Kroger Randomness...

So, it has again been a while since last I blogged.  Partly, this is because I am blogging regularly at a new blog authoured by several friends of mine, todaygrace.blogspot.com, and quite honestly it is mostly because I just keep forgetting.  I would promise that I will get and /or be better, but all I can promise is that I will try...really, really hard.  But enough of the potentially empty promises, let's try to update you on the past month...

But first, a digression.  I am sitting at Kroger grocery store (because they have free internet and are extremely deserted at midnight on a sunday).  As I sit here I look up, only to be greeted by the sight of two girls walking around in the most curious and unnecessarily scandalous outfits I think I've seen in a while.  One is in the standard, "I am going out on a Sunday night" attire, with the too short shorts and shirt that shows a middrift.  And, just in case you were wondering if I were posting this blog a little late (say a summertime blog for instance), know that it is in fact December 28 and it in fact like 40 degrees outside.  Warm by some standards for sure, but definitely not "warm."  This idea is further ensconced by the fact that nher friend is wearing a semi-winter jacket with her own too short, ass hugging shorts and unnecessarily tall heels.  Is the need for atention so great that you will risk the discomfort that is sure to accompany such an outfit in this weather only to be noticed by someone of the opposite sex?  But then I think, is this really all that different from ridiculous machinations that I have found myself engaging in to be noticed and applauded?  Not really I suppose, just a different shade of the same stupidity.  Nevertheless, here's a picture of this particular shade (not the greatest picture I know, it was off my phone)...

Ok, other things.  I have spent the past several days in rural Missouri visiting/meeting my girlfriend's family.  For those of you who follow my twitter account or facebook page, you know that the first night I was there I broke her family's oven...on Christmas Eve!!!  I'm still alive and a series of jokes at my expense filled the rest of the week- good times (no seriously, it's all good). Spending time out in the middle of relatively nowhere was good on a number of fronts.  I was cut off from my normal overconnectedness that comes in the way of facebook, twitter, myspace, multiple blogs, multiple email addresses, texting, calling...you get the point.  I got the opportunity to spend time- actual time- thinking and processing, visiting with Carly and her family and just confronting the realities of being.  It was awesome.  I won't be naive enough to say that I succeeded at being regularly, or even often, but I was at least aware of the need to be since there was really nothing else to do.  Ok, I'm rambling now...

Suffice it to say that this week has been great in the sense that it has forced me to question some things that I hold as a part of who I am.  It's not so much that I think this connectedness to the outside world is a bad thing, but it has given me pause to wonder how much of it is really necessary and how much of it is an opportunity for me to fill my life with stuff and avoid...something.  So, it's a proces'ssing time for me and there are a lot of questions on the table.  Carly's been good to pose some of the questions and it'll be interesting to see what answers God leads me to.  

P.S. Last night, Carly met Best Friend Trae (or just Trae) while we had our brief stay in Tulsa.  I don't think she was prepared for the excitement and silliness that is our friendship union.  She rose to the occasion though, and jumped right in to the sarcastic silliness.  I have the best girlfriend ever.  Here's a picture they will both hate me for posting...

P.P.S. A woman just walked into Kroger in her bathrobe to rent a movie from the little movie renting kiosk.  I love late night Kroger.

An update of sorts...

So, I looked and realized that I haven't blogged in over a month. My bad folks. Currently I'm in Florida visiting mi madre for Thanksgiving and so far it's been fun. My brother is here, and though none of my other siblings were able to make it out, it has been nice to hang out with him, his new wife and his three kids (whom I seldom get to see), and of course my mother. I am still working at Outback, though I will now be assuming more responsibility by taking over the outside sales for my store. Essentially I am trying to get people to use Outback to do catering for them and trying to develop successful relationships with organizations and businesses in the community. I'm looking forward to it as it gives me the opportunity to work in sales by selling something I actually love- food :).

Additionally, I have started dating an amazing girl- Carly Sue Pickens. Yes, the same Carly referenced in the preceding post of almost a month ago, and no I wasn't hiding anything from you or hinting at anything by including her name or picture in the preceding post. The story of how we met and subsequently came to be a couple is one I enjoy telling (much to her eye-rolling chagrin), so if you're interested in hearing it, let me know.

Outside of that, there really has not been a whole lot going on. Life's good and I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. In the meantime, I'll try to get better about writing about it as I live it. Talk to you soon, gotta go have another plate of food...

Pursue. Original.
~Damany

Self Heating Meals...

This isn't a deep one, merely a random outtake from my life. So today, I had a meeting with the Executive Director of the Champions of Hope mentoring program- Carly Pickens. We were meeting to talk about possible marketing initiatives for CoH and ways to turn that into fundraising opportunities. In all, a great meeting with a cool person I met because of a bad-ass church, The Village (yes I called my church bad ass- you should check it out at www.thevillagechurch.net). CoH offices out of a church in one of Dallas' more underprivileged communities, Cornerstone Baptist Church. Occasionally (ok, regularly) Cornerstone will get donations of some of the most random stuff imaginable. A few days ago it was a 6 foot baby grand piano. Today- foodstuffs.

Now, I am hesitant to refer to it under the stricter guideline of "food" because it had a rather ominous label on it which indicated that it had a 3 year shelf life. How any real food could have that long of a shelf life is beyond me, save an overwhelming amount of preservatives and processing to the point that you fear a certain amount of glowing light may emanate from the packaging when the lights are turned off. My assumption is that this food was designed for the military, and when even they didn't want it, the remnants were pushed off on the unsuspecting public. Now, the extended shelf life isn't what made this so unique or blog worthy, it was instead the "self-heating" properties so boldly advertised on the packaging. That's right folks, no microwave needed here. Just open the bag, pour in the water (supplied of course) insert the foil lined, vacuum sealed food pouch, and watch as the chemical reaction takes place, making a seemingly innocuous element in the bag heat with enough intensity to heat an entire meal (in our case it was chicken and dumplings) to a "just right" temperature. It's really quite ingenious. That is, except for the ungodly smell created by the heating element, and subsequently the food once the pouch was breached. It was so bad in fact, that we had to hurriedly cast it out of the room in the hopes that we could exorcise it of the awful aroma.

Needless to say, we didn't eat any of it.

I'm sure this seemed like a brilliant idea to someone on paper and posed a lot of great potential. In actuality, however, it proved to be a tad bit...well, awful. The worst part though, is that somebody along the way had to know how bad this would bomb and how terrible it smelled- but no one stopped production. It instead trudged along through production and delivery, where it was destined to languish in misery upon store shelves until mercifully being withdrawn, recalled, or outright given away. This makes me think about my own life and that of those around me. How often do we start down a path that looks promising and, instead of aborting the plan when it becomes apparent that we were wrong, we continue on doing the same things, even as our actions and lifestyles reek of bad decisions and missed callings and opportunities? Even more daunting is when those of us around people who are following down a destructive path don't speak up, even though they know the actions will just leave the person stagnated and on the shelf for years. Why?

Why don't we speak up, change our course of action and see where better decisions take us? I'll tell you why. Because complacency and comfortability is often more acceptable than difficulty and work. Sure chopping carrots, cleaning chicken, and stewing dumplings is hard work. But in the end, the payoff is something people can actually use. Think about it. Ok, I lied, maybe it was a little deep.

Pursue. Original

todaygrace.blogspot.com

Ok, so I have the privilege of announcing a brand new blog, Grace for Today. Over the course of the past several years, I have had the privilege of being introduced to some of the most provocative thinkers, brilliant and hilarious people, and touching Christians I have ever known. A few of these people have banded together and started a multi-author blog that is all about the constant search for Grace and Faith in "unexpected places." Ultimately it's about each of our journeys through life and how we confront and meet God along the way. It's got no censor, no regular framework. Ultimately, we'll just write about life and see what happens from there. I encourage you to check it out and subscribe when you get a chance. Thanks to Kelbert McFarland, Brittany Loose, Russell Hall, Din Tolbert, and Laura Cooke for allowing me to be a part of this awesome experience.

Pursue. Original.
todaygrace.blogspot.com

Grace

Grace sneaks
Like the tiniest of butterflies
Flitting by unannounced
Breaking through our vision
Grace speaks
In the tiniest of voices
And we, listening close
Strain to hear what we don't deserve
And to tell its story to the world

The Midst

At 1:00 in the morning, I find myself still awake. I'm sitting here, under the amber glow of a light poolside at my apartment, looking around at the rows of neatly distributed domiciles, each with their own set of lives unfolding inside. These are people who, living in such relative and real proximity to each other, still know next to nothing about the goings on behind door #...fill in the blank. As I sit, the generous aroma of a well seasoned and (obviously) lovingly prepared meal wafts to me from across the expanse, and I watch as an apartment still abuzz with activity opens its doors to a seemingly endless parade of late night revelers. They aren't loud, not boisterous, but each seem to pass through the doors of this particular space with a sense of familiarity that only comes to family, or those who would be called family. And it's in this moment that I realize that I miss that.

I miss the idea of late night dinners that begin well after the prescribed or healthy eating times as defined by some "expert" somewhere. I miss the sense that the open door is in fact just that, a portal into a place where you know that you are welcome, and beyond that- family. I had it once. We were all in our early 20s (well, except for Rocky but that's what made him so cool), all relatively fresh out of college, and all muddling through this life thing as best we could. We lived in what was lovingly called the "House of Deception," for the uncanny way in which its residents could get you to believe, collectively, most anything that came out of any individual's mouth, no matter how far fetched. More often than not, it was just called "The House." It was great. The house was a ramshackle place with a foundation that had so badly shifted that the front door barely closed, and never locked. The carpet that lay everywhere (yes, including the kitchen and bathroom) was all that stood between us and the drafty breeze of a floor with more cracks in it than any of us dared to count. It was a welcoming place; the kind of place where you never knew who could walk through the door at any moment, completely unnanounced, and absolutely without knocking (let's not even try to count the number of mad, towel-clad dashes to the bathroom were attempted). Sitting in a corner sat a much too out of tune upright piano and a far too often used (at all ungodly hours of the night) foosball table. It was in many ways the quintissential bachelor pad, and it was awesome. Those that regularly found themselves inside its sagging, sloping, paint peeled walls were affectionately referred to (by each other) as "the family." We were a motley crew of musicians, actors, lovers of music, tone deaf business people, and slightly neurotic divas. We were in every way a family, as hodgepodge as we might be.

This is the place where I experienced God in ways previously unimagined. This is where spontaneous worship happened as one or several people would randomly begin strumming a guitar and singing songs that may have started out as nonsense, but soon morphed into the most beautiful melody lifted to a beautiful Lord. This is where, in the absence of a drum, time was kept on whatever we could find- a trashcan, pot, table or the floor. This is where we prayed because we wanted to. Where we saw tears shed and hearts mended and broken. This is where life happened. This is where life began.

Why do I bring all this up? Because we've lost that. Let me not be so grandiose in my statements- I've lost that. The sense of wonder that comes from sitting on a back porch with a friend, wrestling through life with a beer and a cigar, or the pain of a love that's unrequited while the joy of someone else's newfound beau takes centerstage. The idea that we really aren't alone in all this because the people around us, quite literally around us, are as different and as beautiful as any tapestry woven by a master. These ideas are almost foreign to me now, so far removed from them am I. But, still God is so close.

He's as close as the reminder that family exists in late night romps in moldy public fountains where we ran from the police, as close as stars that seem to shine brightly in the midst of turmoil, as close as whisps of smoke that rose from the end of embers as if trailing prayers to heaven, as close as the smell of dinners carried on the winds of dawn's impending arrival. God is as close as our embracing each other and every moment that comes our way. For it is in those moments, where two or three are gathered, that He is in the midst. May we- may I- find Him there and may I always be searching for the moments that all too often escape me.

Musings at 27- I'm still "here"

This is not where I thought I'd be at 27. Truthfully, though, I don't know that I had a plan for this age. 27 is one of those interesting, non-milestone years that people often don't think about. It comes right in the middle of lower car rental rates and a number that people of all classes dread, the big 3-0. Not sure why, but maybe I'll realize it more soon as it looms steadily closer.

That being said, this still isn't where I thought I'd be. I don't know, maybe the constant talk of potential and connection when I was younger led me to assume that by now I'd be more...more...more something. A full time career I love, romantic pursuits, a more steady life- something. Instead I find myself here. And where is here?

Here is the place where, though settled in the existence of a bigger purpose in my life, I still have yet to really know what it is, much less see it. Here is living someplace new (again) with a cadre of close associates and neophytic friendships but with not much in the way of true relationship depth. Here is working at a place I love but never thought I'd be. Here is looking upward with a certain sense of puzzlement wondering what the hell it all means. Here is an interesting place.

But somehow I'm reminded that here isn't so bad. As I look out at the landscape of my life, through the lens of history and remembrance, I can't help but be reminded that I'm still "here." Despite the struggles, the loss of a parent, a house, a job- I'm here. Despite homelessness, carlessness, directionlessness- I'm here. Despite feeling alone at times, forlorn at times, cast adrift at times- I'm here. Somehow, through all of that (and so much more) I'm still standing, looking upward and saying, "what's next?" Somehow God has still seen fit to hold me under the shadow of his wings and keep me from caving in, from cracking under the weight of what, at times, seems like immeasurable pressure. Somehow, though I'm pressed, I'm not crushed, though at times I have felt persecuted, I know I'm not abandoned; though I may feel struck down, I'm not destroyed. Somehow I'm still here with a smile on my face. Somehow I'm still committed to telling the story of deliverance and grace constantly being worked out in my life. Somehow I know that, in spite of it all, "here" is where I'm supposed to be. May I ever live in the revelation of living "here" to the fullest.
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Where is the Church?

A lot of conversation has begun of late over the socialization of our society. With the election fast approaching and one of the major tenets of one of the candidates being seemingly "socialized medicine" I felt it prudent to address a cause for concern that has crept up in society over the last several decades. Namely, the disengagement of the Church from social responsibility.

Now, when I say social responsibility, I am not just talking about whether the Church should care about greenhouse gas emissions, pollution, crime and the like (though I think they should). No, I'm talking about the Church's imperative to look after "the least of these." Very clearly throughout the Old AND New Testaments (for those that believe the NT to be all that matters) the Bible outlines that we are to love the Lord and in so doing love those around us. I don't believe this to be in an "I love you and will thus speak high-mindedly to you about what that love means" type of way. No, I think this is the hands on, experiential kind of love that causes you to eat with beggars, commune regularly with "sinners," and find yourself in the company of those "less desirables" that are a regular (albeit regularly overlooked) part of all of our lives. I'm talking about shaking up the "American Dream" that so many of us (myself included) have adopted as God's obvious vision for our lives. We were obviously destined for a life of lavish comfort and contentment because God wants us to prosper until our 401Ks, Roth IRAs and pension plans overflow with milk and money. But is this really what it's about?

Yes, "a wise man leaves an inheritance to his children's children," but if all we have to leave behind is an ever increasing reliance on stuff given value by how much other people want said stuff, how worthwhile is the inheritance? How worthwhile is it to gain the whole world and lose your (or your neighbor's, or the prostitute hooking to feed her kids, or the displaced vet on the corner's) soul?

Now don't get me wrong, I believe in the power of a hard day's work, of the ability of the interminable human spirit to rise above adversity and succeed against all odds, and of God to give us strength to face any and all obstacles. But does that then absolve US of the responsibility to reach out to help those whose struggles seem a little too difficult for them to bear? Does that give us the right to automatically assume that person X's struggle is because of factors they CAN overwhelmingly control? Does that mean we are not called to help because they should have just worked harder? I'd dare say not.

I am the product of a loving union between a philanthropist/preacher father and a community activist turned bank vice president turned teacher mother. Raised in a middle class home in a middle class neighborhood bordered by the ghetto (gunshots and sirens were occasionally my lullabies). They were married and in love until his passing in 1999. I have a college education, skills beyond my years (some say), and an ability to face and overcome adversity. But I've been homeless. I've been steps away from living on the street, having no job (though I tried desperately to get one), no car, and no money. Was I lazy? Did I not work hard enough? Did I mess up and therefore deserve the life I found myself in? I'd venture to say no. I'd venture to say that sometimes life, in its imperfect, fallen state, deals you hands that you neither want nor expect. Hands you can do nothing to stop and can only play as best you know how. Sometimes, life's just shitty. And sometimes, no one around you can ever truly know (though they may assume- as some of my "friends" did) why you are where you are. Sometimes, the best they can do is pray (always a good start) and offer plates of food, a couch or warm bed to sleep on/in, occasional work where they have it, and understanding...lots of understanding. Because it's humbling to be despondent, humiliating to ask for help when by all accounts you shouldn't need it. It hurts to be weak or in need. But that's where the Church is supposed to be focusing our attention- on the hurting and the needy. We are to pursue the "pure and undefiled religion" of James 1:27 and do so without judgement or assumption of the guilt or innocence of those to whom we extend mercy and grace.

But we don't. Instead, we become internally focused, spending our days worshipping and seeking after "God the provider," often forgetting that we are the hands of that same God to provide for the less fortunate around us. We want our house, our car(s), our happiness and to hell with the poor schlub who can't make his own stars align. We don't believe it is the world or the government's responsibility to provide for those disenfranchised around us. And it's not- it's ours and we've- no, I've been- sleeping at the wheel for far too long. We don't want the government providing aid to those who "can" work for themselves. Great, then let's do more than talk about the problem around our watercoolers before returning to our cushioned desk chairs in our air conditioned offices. Let's do more than look at the rate of homelessness in our cities while we shake our heads. Let's be better than those that blame the pregnant teenager, crackhead, drug dealer, and hooker for their plights while offering no alternative to a repressive socio-economic and psychological system into which they were born. Because make no mistake, where you're raised has EVERYTHING to do with what opportunities you believe you have. It's not the job of the government to fix the ills of society, it's ours, the Church's. But what happens when we're not stepping up? Who's left to carry the weight left behind by our selfishness and introversion? We're His hands and feet, and the government is an extension of the people, even the people of God, and where we fail, someone's got to make up the difference. Someone's got to do OUR job for us.

But what if they didn't? What if we rose to the James 1:27 challenge (for that's what it is) and met the needs of society- not just preaching *at* them but showing love *to* them. What could we change?
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Electionables...

There's been a lot of talk about what people do and don't agree with as it relates to our respective candidates proposed usage of governmental structure. But, let's throw this out there- do we really know what we don't or do agree with or are we regurgitating the respective views of our cable news channels of choice. Beyond the sound bites we can rattle off from memory, or what "we heard" that candidate x or y said, what do we really know? Christians are often woefully inept at being aware of the issues our candidates stand for, choosing instead to stand on either side of the ideological aisle based in large part on what few things in a candidate's platform differ with our narrow minded (often) Christian fundamentalist views. You don't want to ban abortion, believing that morality is not something to legislate but rather to instill from our supposed bastions of moral knowledge- religious institutions. You support the overwhelming support of the 2nd amendment, it obviously means you're a right wing nut job who cares only about capital gains and personal liberties, even if those come at the expense of another. Really, we mostly pantomime what we hear others say because it's easier.

So, I ask simply, what policies, ideals, and positions do you disagree from our candidates. Give specifics and don't waste time with sound bites. And for the sake of this discussion, leave faith out of it.

Ready...set...GO!

Pursue. Original.
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Escape

Acid-washed pages rush over me
beckoning deeper
down the rabbit hole
Calling me louder from their shores
by names I scarcely recognize
taking sword and shield
docking firm upon their pier
I become what I am not
that which destiny foretold
through oracles of old
Delphi born
modern bread
new understanding breaks forth
through lenses sharpened with time
forged in fires fueled by imagination
built on lies told to entertain
created to carry hearts and minds
away
beneath Leagues of sorrow
through Olympianic claims
of would-be world creators
nascent conjourers of dreams
who form our realities
if only for the moments
where eyes glazed
and mouth agape
we find it all suspended

Intarsia

There's a lot running through my mind right now. It is therefore my hope that it all congeals into some sort of concentrated thought process. We'll see.

I was at House Church a few weeks ago when an interesting topic came up. It was the idea that so many of the people my age seem to dabble in so many different things, never necessarily settling on one particular passion. We might be passionate about the arts, while at the same time passionate about ending world hunger, while at the same time desiring to be a successful business person, while at the same time holding aspirations of being a model, musician, singer, artist...you get the idea. For the longest time, I would look at the seemingly schizophrenic nature of my interests, the things that at times seemed to war against each other (or at least be in sharp competition) and think, "I really need to pick one." I just knew that the only way for me to truly be "happy" in life was to focus on something that I was good at, or could get good at and pursue it with all the fire and gusto that I could muster. I knew that it was absolutely necessary for me to choose. I couldn't have the proverbial cake and eat it at the same time- it was up to me to choose. But then I heard something from an associate of mine that has forever changed the way I view my passions, many and varied as they might be. I'm a part of the mosaic generation.

Let's start with some basic definitions. A mosaic is distinctly defined as "a picture or decoration made of small, usually colored pieces of inlaid stone, glass, etc. " according to our wonderful friends at dictionary.com. So let's unpack that for a moment . The picture, whatever it may be, could not exist were it not for the individual, seemingly disjointed elements that are fit (sometimes perfectly and sometimes imperfectly) together. By themselves and standing on their own, each little pebble, piece of broken glass or metal is relatively inconsequential. Sure, some may have some level of intrinsic value based on their luster, their shape, or some other aesthetic property, but by and large, they're worth very little alone. In fact, in many cases, had the pieces not been used for some artistic purpose, they may even have been discarded. But here they sit, ready to be used to create a grand design that no one but the artist can fathom. So, slowly and painstakingly he or she places one small piece ever so gingerly, ever so carefully on the canvas of choice. A red pebble bunches tight against a shard of the sharpest broken glass, a crushed marble shimmering in its iridescence is juxtaposed harshly next to a smooth surfaced piece of iron, while paper thin layers of pearl lay ever so sweetly beside common gravel. Why and for what purpose are these seemingly incongruous elements coming together? What does my love for art have to do with my desire to see equality come to the most impoverished areas of our world? What does my love of "the finer things in life" have to do with how saddened I am when I walk next to a child who's next meal isn't accounted for? What does any of it have to do with anything else? I have no idea.

But here's what I know- I know that there's a piece of art being created. I know that the days of picking and choosing only the things at which we think we can excel wholeheartedly are, if not gone, then relegated to an ever shrinking majority. But for those of us within the minority, for those of us who have looked at the landscape of our life and wondered if there was something wrong with us, wondered if we were scattered or missing it because we just couldn't seem to "settle down" know that we are passionate about all the things we are passionate about, and there's no fault in that. We are passionate about changing the world and loving living in ours. We are passionate about pursuing the desires of our heart and changing the hearts of others. We are passionate about having our life count for more than nothing, more than the pursuit of a fleeting, fantastical notion that this is all there is. We are passionate about much, and we are in love with the idea that what we pursue- all we pursue- is part of some grander glory. We believe that the pains of these experiences we face, the unease we sense at being complacent, the constant internal drive to evolve, be better, change, is all a part of some grander plan. This is all a part of some greater...something that points to the "glory that will be revealed in us." This seeming mess of passion and emotions is actually something much bigger. This is the desireS of my heart and yours joining together side by side in their disjointed way and making something beautiful. This is asphalt beside gold, and diamond beside glass. This is copper atop ruby, noble against ignoble, and glory upon glory because God created it and when he created it, all of it, it was "good."

The Journey Begins Again

So, a few days ago I packed my car with the few belongings that I had with me in Tulsa (the rest of them are in Edom), and set out to Dallas. It's at the same time overwhelmingly exciting and grippingly frightening. I know that it can seem at times cliche to say that it feels like Abram did when God told him to go to a land he would tell him, but that's pretty much how I feel. I left Tulsa this time with nothing particular to head towards besides a promise that there is more to this life than I have lived thus far. I have to desperately hold on to this promise because right now it's what I have. I mean, I know God is fully able to arrive at the point of this need and deliver me, as He has done for countless others, countless times before, but nevertheless I have to remind myself of that sometimes. I left Tulsa because I knew that my emotional and spiritual well being depended on it, and I have to know that God is looking to honor obedience.

Yesterday, I think I found an apartment that I like and am going to submit my application today. I also found a roommate. He's substantially younger than me, but seems pretty cool, so we'll see how it all works out. Beyond all that, it just makes smart financial sense for me to make this decision. So, I'm making my decision based on that. I have no idea how God is going to work it all out over the next several days as I look for jobs and such, but He's faithful so I keep believing that He will. Is it blind faith? No, but I am continually aware of grace beyond myself available and extended to me for reasons I still can't always fathom. God really is faithful, and I need to learn to thank Him in advance for his faithfulness to me. So, pray for me as chapter (dear Lord, I have no idea what chapter number this would be) begins. This should be a good one.

Pursue. Original.

When Help is Your Only Prayer

I realized something recently. I can't return to Tulsa. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love this place, have great friends, a great church, and led a great life while I was here. This also doesn't mean that I'll never be back. It's just the right now life in Tulsa that I can't do. It's weird and more than a little bit new for me. In seasons past, I've had no choice but to accept the cards that I was dealt and deal with them as best I could. But now, opportunities are presenting themselves to me and I am choosing to walk away from them because something in my gut is telling me I have to. Sure, there are a host of reasons why I can't stay- mostly emotional and spiritual- but that's not what this post is about. No, this is about the choice I don't want
to make. This is about faith in spite of what's easiest and about deciding to Robert Frost it down an occasionally darkened path because something bigger than yourself is drawing you there.

Truth be told, I'm scared- really scared. In times past I've allowed my faith to guide me because I had seemingly just fallen into the situations I found myself in and therefore had no choice. This time I'm choosing this path above all others. What's my fear? That I got it wrong. I'm afraid that what I'm thinking I'm hearing is not what's actually being said. I'm afraid that I might be missing God in my haste and zeal to find the right direction for my life. I'm afraid I'm
getting it wrong. But I am reminded of something I all too often tell friends facing similar situations- "God is bigger than our inability to always hear exactly what he's saying.". What I mean is that I believe is that God is more interested in a submitted heart constantly striving than He is in if we got the interpretation exactly right. He wants our hearts because as long as He has those, what we do will be about bringing Him glory and not serving our own selfish agendas. So, I keep reminding myself to keep striving towards a goal I can't always see to serve a God I can't always understand because I still believe his ways are truly past finding out and his purpose for me not yet fully revealed. So, right now my prayer is simple- "help.". Help me
understand my purpose and destiny. Help me know what's next and help me have the inner fortitude and faith to keep walking down the path. I'm sure it will make all the difference.

Pursue. Original.

-Damany

If Music Festivals Were Churches...

I went out to Dfest last night, and must say that I had an absolute blast. The opportunity to be surrounded by hundreds of thousands of other people who have one thing on their mind, the pursuit of good music, is absolutely amazing. Everyone there was a "friend" to everyone else, simply because we shared a common goal- music. People I had not seen in ages came out of the woodwork, and people I had never met stood side by side with me and sang at the top of our collective lungs. The streets of Tulsa ran free with love and acceptance and I loved it.

This morning as I thought about all that I had experienced, I realized how much of a typology of the Church last night's gathering could be. It was a gathering of people of all races, genders, age ranges, sexual preferences, religions, and cultures who were there for an express purpose. They came with their brokenness, their failures, their struggles and their successes, and were all dedicated to this pursuit. What if the Church were more like that? What if we could stand side by side with the broken without the fear that their perceived "filth" or sin would rub off on us and sully our previously unmarred appearance? What if we could accept people for where they were while letting our ife and conversation push them towards all that God has created them to be? What if love really did have the power to change and what if loving extravagantly really did bring about extravagant results in people's lives? How different would our evangelistic outreaches be if they were built out of love and showing Christ's to the world as opposed to an increase in our "salvation" numbers for the week/month/year? What if we really believed that it was God's job to change people and our job to love them and present them with the truth of the Gospel in a way that doesn't condemn them but draws them into the "Amazing Love" of God?

Love as if all the world depends on it- because it does.

Pursue. Original.

When fog lights the way...

I've been trying to write something creative for quite some time now, and nothing comes to me. I can't seem to figure out why. It's like there's some sort of blockage to the creative flow of ideas that has at other times flowed so freely from my mind. It kind of sucks. It seems like I am in this dry spell. The interesting thing is that often when I find myself in situations such as the one I am in now (i.e. jobless, seeking vision and direction), the weight of the situation virtually compels me to write. Poems flow, blogs come in abundance, and the tide of creative thought can scarcely be stemmed. This situation seems to be quite the opposite. By the way, if you're reading this post looking for some sort of nugget hidden amidst the drivel, I can't promise that it'll be there. This is just me writing as I think, trying frantically to get my thoughts on paper (well, sort of) before they escape and hoping that the processing of paper will lead me to some sort of identifiable conclusion.

Ok, here's where I am. At this point, we all know that I was let go from my position with Teen Mania after only five months being there. It threw me for a definite loop. It came out of nowhere, especially after the warm welcome I received when I first came on staff from people at all levels of leadership. To say that it was upsetting, frustrating, and overall pretty sucky for me would be a tad bit or an understatement. Nevertheless, as I have also indicated in previous blogs God met me at the point of my need and hooked me up with a temporary job that started two days after my old one ended. That's now over as well, and it forces me to confront the harsh reality of my situation. I'm unemployed. Again. I thought I had a more long term solution on the horizon, but that dell through, so I am grinding it out, searching for something that is my "next," though I am not entirely sure which direction I am to be walking in. I mean, there are lots of things that I love and enjoy working on, but which of those things am I to expend my energy in accomplishing? I have no idea.

Here are a couple of my aphorisms for life right now:
1. Pursue. Original.
2. Run boldly in the direction of your dreams.

My question now is, what if you're not even sure what those dreams are anymore? What do you do when the direction is hazy, when a low lying fog occludes even the path from being seen? The Bible says in Psalms 119:105 that God's word is "a lamp to my feet and a light for my path." So often I have counseled people with this scripture, declaring that we should trust God to let us see the next step instead of always trying to figure out the everything. I find myself in the place of my own counsel. I can't see the path though... and that scares me a little bit. I mean, I know what I enjoy and at what I excel, but how they play together and how to get paid for them is a different story all together. I really thought I had found something for which I was uniquely suited at my last job, managing and inspiring people, leading creative initiatives, travelling, being a part of impacting a culture and shaping a generation. And now, that's gone. So what's next? Where is that light that supposedly breaks through the dawn and illumines the path before me so I know what direction to run boldly towards?

I'm ready to be settled. Not bored and stoic, just settled. I'm ready for some stability. I don't mean I want to settle in one place for the rest of my life, I simply mean I want things to come together in a way that makes sense. I want all the tales of my life to come together to craft a story, and for all the pieces to come together to create the mosaic that is my future- that is my life. I want my life to count for more than right now. I'm ready for true vision. The type of vision that compels change, first in yourself, and later in the world around you. I'm ready for the kind of vision that paints before you a future you can see-if not yet touch, until the brushstrokes of dreams become the concrete of realities. May that day come quickly.

Pursue.Original.

Drive Into the Sunrise

A  few days ago, I left Toccoa, GA on my way to Nashville to hang out with friends.  If you've been following the blog at all, you know that I have spent the past three weeks at the Georgia Baptist Conference Center working as the video director for Go Tell Minstry's summer camp.  It's been a blast, and I have made some significant friendships as well as having an awesome time just being free of the regular melee of daily life.  All in all, it's been a great month following a rough patch wherein I was let go from my job at Teen Mania- but this isn't about that.

About halfway through the trip (which involved getting lost no less than three times, several wrong turns, and scary horror scene like drives along deserted back roads), Abner (my driving buddy) got tired and asked if I could take the wheel for a while.  I, of course obliged and we continued on the road to Nashville.  Now, Abner's car does not have a radio and the iPod we were using suddenly died, so I was left with a sleeping Abner and not much in the way of external stimulation to keep my mind off the whirring sound of rubber against asphalt at 60 miles per hour.  It was strangely soothing, and since we were in no particular rush to make it home, I decided to just lay back and let my mind wander.  I mean, let's face it, I do have a fair amount to think about- my need for a job, a place to live, a plan for my life that God still seems to be holding close, etc.- so thinking right now wouldn't be a bad thing.  But then I started getting tired.

Now, normally, the rules of the guy roadtrip include such foolishness as, "keep driving and shake off the fatigue," or "you need to make it to your destination as quickly as possible."  None of these things were proving true for me, I was beat.  We had just finished three weeks at a summer camp and an all day load out, and my body was telling me it needed a rest.  So, I pulled to a rest stop on the side of the road and obliged it.  What was originally intended to be a 30 minute nap, turned into three hours of blissful sleep nestled between a military vet (as his bumper sticker indicated) and a minivan full of (presumably) sleeping kids.  I think I dreamt about something, though for the life of me I couldn't tell you what...

When I awoke, I had an innate sense of panic, as if I had missed out on something by sleeping for so long, as if the few hours I had spent with no forward motion were somehow going to drastically derail my plans and somehow throw me wildly off course.  But then, I felt as if something just said, "chill."  Nothing had been lost, and I had missed no pivotal event.  Sure, I wouldn't get to Nashville as quickly, but so what, what was there that required my immediate attention right now anyway?  What was so important, save the seeming joy of accomplishment at finishing a road trip in record time, that required me to hightail it across the states to make it to my destination in such a rush?  What was the hurry?

For those of you that know me well, you know that I hate roadtrips.  I hate sitting in cars for endless periods of time and I hate driving and driving and driving and driving and...you get the idea.  But what if my issue with roadtrips has less to do with the driving and more to do with the fact that we are always in a rush to "get" somewhere?  What if the issue really stems from the fact that we miss out on roadside stands and random balls of yarn along the way simply because the rules of the road mandate our expedience?  Why are we in such a hurry?  As I settled into the monotony of the drive a startling fact was made apparent to me, I would be driving into the sunrise.  I would get the opportunity to greet the dawn as it kissed the horizon with images of pink and purple and said hello to this part of the world.  I would be one of the few blessed enough to know what the start of a new day looks like.  While countless others lay slumbering in their beds, unaware of the beauty that lay just beyond their closed eyelids and shuttered houses, I was a part of the morning and was welcoming it into the world.  It was exhilirating.  

As the sun made its gradual ascent over the horizon in front of me, I couldn't help but smile at the fact that I would have missed this had I decided to push through the night.  If I had chosen to drive through the night I would have been like the countless others, safe and sound inside a bed as beauty exploded all around me and I slept blissfully unaware.  And I wondered, how much of my life is like that?  How much of my daily experience is a push for the expedient, a rush to get somewhere instead of drinking in the moments and beauty that surrounds me?  I eat for sustenance, never truly acknowledging the flavors that play across my tastebuds in even the simplest of meals.  I drive by fields so green as if from a painting and never even comment on their beauty, or see an attractive woman and never stop to tell her.  I am in such a rush to get...where?  What in the world am I rushing to do?  I have no job, and no idea what my next one will be.  I have great friends and a God that loves me, but I am more concerned with what's next than I am with what's now.  I am missing out on so much and I don't even realize all that I am missing.  How sad is that irony?  Not only am I missing out, but I am going so fast that I'm not even aware of what I am missing.

So I endeavor to slow down.  I endeavor to see sunrises and sunsets and share moments with people that I love.  I want to taste, not just consume food, and experience beauty in ways I had previously discounted or looked over.  I want to see all that God created and called "good," and understand why.  I want to live life and not just float through it because that's what you do for the time you're upon the earth.  In a few weeks, my grandfather turns 90, and the stories he has to tell are undoubtedly amazing- but I know none of them.  I have never gleaned the wisdom from a man who has seen world wars, the invention of all manner of world altering devices, and the birth of three children and countless grand and great grandchildren.  I have passed all this history by, and for what?  My expedient, but ultimately empty life?  Is this really what I have lived for?  Have I even lived? 

The Pursuit of Holiness

within Christian culture, we often speak of the "pursuit" of things like holiness, but what does this mean? Is holiness an ever moving target that we are constantly striving after? Is it something which can be attained, or will it constantly be shifting and changing, becoming ever more elusive as its parameters and requirements consistently change? Is there an ultimate standard of holiness to which we ascribe, or is even that shifting? I know the Bible says to "be holy as (God) is holy," but is that genuinely possible? Look at the Israelites in the Bible, even their holiness came in levels. The kind of holiness the Levites were called to was vastly different from that which the average Israelite found themselves ascribing to. You didn't see Ashimibimilech (name changed to protect the ignorant- me) going through nearly the level of purification that Aaron and his peeps did. Why not? If there is no respect of persons in God, should this be the case? If the Bible speaks of there being neither Jew nor Greek in God's eyes, shouldn't that mean there is some ultimate standard of "holy" that we are in pursuit of or are we genuinely called to have a level of "holy" we seek after? If levels, how do we know what our specific one is? Thoughts?
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Who I used to be

I got the opportunity to go to Toccoa Falls today. It's this little waterfall tucked away on the backside of a college campus in Toccoa, GA where I've been for the past few weeks. I went with some new friends and it was awesome. The sound of the water rushing over the side of the cliff soothed me in a way I had forgotten existed.

As I climbed through well worn paths and trails previously cut by would-be explorers, I was reminded of who I used to be. I was reminded what it was like to be the adventurous kid with little in the way of fear who would strike out on adventures with or without friends by my side. I was reminded of what it was like to camp, fish, hike and bike with little regard for anything save the experience. I was reminded what it was like to blaze trails and to construct stories of explorers of old who had trod the same paths where my feet now stood. I was reminded of a simpler time where life was good, not because it was always naturally that way, but rather because I was committed to search hard enough, and dig deep enough to find the good. I was reminded what it was like to search for a treasure made that much sweeter by its pursuit. I want to go back there.

I want to again blaze trails and not expect the status quo to satisfy me. I want to push limits and defy boundaries to keep me penned in. I want to press past what is seen for the sheer hope that a more exciting something lays just beyond a seemingly imperceptible veil. I want to be limited only by my ability to imagine and my willingness to attain what I dream of. I am limitless because God is limitless and I dare boundaries to stand in my way. God, help me to always remember that.

D-$
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When nothing speaks

So, I went out yesterday with the intention to hear from God. I wanted the direction that everyone says comes from places of openness and abandonment. I wanted to find out where my "next" was. So I sat, surrounded by a dozen or so people, my thoughts were turned inwards, searching for the kernel of an answer that I just knew had to be there. Many times I have pondered, wondering how all that I love and want to do will play together. I want to know (as I am sure we all do) how the skills, desires and abilities will somehow coalesce into something tangible, something forward moving, something life altering. I want to know my future.

But, as I sat there, the one thing that kept reverberating in my mind was a simple phrase- "don't rush it.". Don't rush what, my desire for clarity? I would hardly venture to say that the path towards purpose I am on is a hurried one. No, it's been full of setbacks, pitfalls, and detours I never would have nor could have accounted for if given the chance. I move forward, only to realize that it seems as if I am going in circles with the same thing continuing to repeat itself. But then I am reminded of an analogy...

We always speak of climbing mountains, as if the pinnacle of said mountain is our dream fully actualized. I'm not going to seek to refute that mindset, so let's go with it for a minute. If you've ever been hiking up the side of a mountain, you know that the best way to hike it is to essentially backtrack your steps over and over again. These paths are called "switchbacks," and what you find yourself doing is travelling in a zig zag pattern up the mountain constantly going higher and higher until the apex (or your respective basecamp) is reached. What's interesting is that you are liable to see the same view from the mountain a few times through the course of your trek- but you're not lost. Yes, you've been here before, but "here" is slightly different because you are now looking from a slightly higher vantage point. Your perspective has changed. Where once the trees that stood before you appeared to be a seemingly insurmountable ridgeline, you are soon eye level with treetops towering hundreds of feet above where your journey first began. You now see and live where birds freely fly, untouched by the predators that could have at one time so easily ensnared them. Yeah, the view's very similar, but now you can see a little more and gaze a little farther. Now the present that once looked so bleak looks glorious in the light of the setting sun. Now the present has become the past and your triumph over it propels you ever forward to a higher future. Oh yeah, and let's not forget that your new vantage point gives you the wisdom to be able to look at what others travelling the same path are experiencing and call out to them, reminding them that perseverance wins. Wait it out, push forward, and know that the present isn't for always and that the higher you go, the brighter it gets and the bluer the sky becomes.

So, what won't I rush? This process. Its painful and at times my heart aches to be settled, but there's beauty in pain for those committed enough to find it. There's purpose always lurking even if its difficult at times to see it. So, I'll cherish this process, I'll relish it and all that it will teach me. Every step is a step higher, and though the scenery may seem similar, I know I'm ultimately headed to something more and won't always stay here.

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The Hope of Silence

So, I'm sitting out here at the lake listening...to nothing, and it's the most beautiful nothing I've ever heard. There are no city sirens, no artificial light, no distracting things to draw me away from this...nothing. Now more than ever before I understand why God time and time again tells people to go into the middle of nowhere to seek Him. Its in these nowhere places that, all too often we find him more than we thought possible, and definitely more than we anticipated. It's in these nowhere moments that God speaks in the voice of the breeze rustling through the trees, or touches us as it brushes past our skin. It's here that God tells us to listen up as the gentle sound of birds reminds us that there's more to our life than our here and our now, but that this thing has been going on for far longer than we can imagine and we are just a part. It reminds us that the part we play is God's to direct and if we will let him, we'll see a masterpiece created. It reminds us of hope- the hope found in silence.
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This is where I'm staying

Yeah, so this is the beauty I get to stay in for the next three weeks. Life is good. God is better.
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Go Tell Day 1

Ok, I arrived in Atl today and made it to the camp. It's pretty sweet. Bordering a lake is some of themost pristine and beautiful land I have seen. I'm really loving it so far and really think these next few weeks are going to be amazing. I'll have the time to read and write that I haven't had in quite a while. I'll do the whole nature walk thing, and who knows, maybe I'll even start running again (I do have new sneakers after all). Yeah, this'll be a good trip, worship daily with a bunch of kids passionate for Jesus and hanging out with some pretty cool guys. I'm excited. The only thing I'm not excited about is the state of the video rack I'm to be using. The guy who had it before me obviously believed int he "do everything from memory" method, so nothing is labeled and nothing really makes sense. But that's tomorrow's problem. For now, I'm off to read some more. Until later...

D-$

What people do when they have lots of free time...

So, in case you haven't heard, I was let go from my job at Teen Mania last week. I won't bore you with all the details. Today was my first day unemployed, and it was actually a blast. I went in to Tyler and went shopping- for myself (something I have not done in months, maybe even years). I bought a sweet pair of shoes and some other randomness, but today I enjoyed life for me. I hung out with a friend and just had an all around good time. The catalyst for my shopping is the most important part though.

Yesterday I was sitting at lunch with some friends- it was a bit of a going away party for me, so the subject of "what's next" naturally came up. To be honest, I had and have no idea. I know it seems like we've been down this path before and if you're unsure of what I mean, check in the archives of this blog, or go to my myspace for more detail. It does seem like this is a recurring theme, but nevertheless, here I am- what's next? I obviously replied that I had no idea. I was going to move back to Tulsa but that is seeming less and less likely as time goes on.

Out of the blue, they offered to send me to the Atlanta area for three weeks because one of their production personnel had backed out. So, there goes the ram in the bush for right now. After three weeks passes, I'll be right back where I was yesterday, with no idea what's next, but if God was faithful for me in this, he will be faithful in that time as well. Who knows, maybe I'll just travel around visiting friends. I may just be coming to a city near you. Keep checking the blog for updates and follow me on twitter. See you online. To the CCM/Marketing kids- I love you guys. You all are some of the most talented people I have met and I am honored to
have worked alongside you. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to get to know each of you and if you ever need anything, do not hesitate to ask (except for Bertha, you I will not help). To my peeps, you know how much each of you mean to me, so thank you for letting me be your leader, your friend, and your co-worker. God bless all that each of you do from this point on. Call/email/text/twitter me if you ever need anything.

D-$

Pursue. Original.

I look out on the current landscape of Christian thought and am a little disconcerted and more than a little concerned about where we are headed. Most specifically, I am referring to our capacity to dream and pursue that which is new and original. It seems as if everything we do is a mashup or, in some cases, a direct copy of something else we've seen someone else doing. It sometimes seems as if we are not striving for our original idea, our own unique thought, but rather for a Jesusified version of something the "purveyors of cool" within our culture are doing. The hottest Christian bands are those that sound eerily similar to whatever the hottest "secular" band is doing. We have Christian Myspace clones, Christian...well everything. It's almost like we got tired of thinking for ourselves and thought it would be easier to merely rip off what someone else is doing, saying that we're offering an alternative to the things of the world, when in actuality we are just hiding behind our own lack of a desire to dig deep and find the kernel of originality that exists within each of us.

Here's my question- we say things like God makes no two people the same. We tout the originality of fingerprints, DNA, and snowflakes as proof that God is the most creative force in all the universe. We say that God is all powerful and can do any and everything he wants with the slightest of thoughts- mountains in the sea, sun standing still, yada yada. With all this power and originality, why do we still think it necessary to fall back on ripping off those around us. IF we truly are called to be in His image, and IF we believe that God is alive and working within us, how is it possible for us to merely clone those around us? What happened to the time when Christian thought led the day? What happened to the era when Christian scientists (not the denomination) were the main ones making advancements in all manner of scientific endeavors? Where has the pursuit of original music led by the Church gone? Why have we settled for the mediocre, saying that we're attempting to be "relevant" to our culture when in actuality we're just being lazy?

Original exists. It has to. If it doesn't then it means God has run out of good ideas or has run out of ways to convey them to us. If either of those two things are true, we're in a much worse place than merely not having music that is unique, websites and businesses that stand out from the masses, thought that stands above the fracas, or advancements in science and technology that make a difference as being more than just a repackaged and often more trite version of something some "brilliant" individual came up with. I dare to pursue the original in everything. Will I always attain it? Probably not, but not finding it does not mean it doesn't exist any more than not hearing God speak the first time I ask him for help means he does not exist. I dare to dream. I dare to pursue. I dare to be original.

Beyond Blogging

In a recent article by BusinessWeek, the conversation was continued about Blogging and the future of social media and networking. I'm not just referring to how effective Facebook and Myspace are, but rather how social media and networking are creating a "bottom-up" culture within corporations where everyone can become one of the "voices" of the company. Blogs open the world up to make anyone a perceived "expert" in a particular subject and enable people to collaborate around an idea in a way they never could have before.

The "digital water cooler" enables companies to hear from and respond to its clients, customers and employees in a way unheard of until now. It means that everyone can (and oftentimes will) be a part of the development of a project and/or strategy simply by speaking into or about it. In short, our constituency is our developer and vice versa.

What does this mean for us? It means that we need to be a part of the conversation that people are having about our products. We need to pose the questions and watch as the answers come in, responding and reacting, but ultimately observing. Starbucks recently launched a social network designed solely to gather customers suggestions about how to make Starbucks better. The result, Starbucks announces that more than 12 million people will now be eligible for free internet at their locations starting this Spring. The conversation motivated and initiated by Starbucks changed the way they were doing business.

Tools like twitter,linkedin, and del.icio.us, mean that it is easier than ever to stay connected with what people are doing and have them stay connected with you. It means the world is becoming flatter and flatter by the day (and in fact- the hour) as we all end up on a level playing field. It's a new day and we're excited to be jumping right in the middle of it.

*For more info about any of the technologies listed above, feel free to email me. Trust me, they're really cool :).

Anyone else have a problem with this?

Really, a musical about one night stands?

Child Sex Changes? What's wrong with us?

So, I stumbled upon this article on FoxNews.com today and was more than a little disturbed. What is this world coming to when we are offering things like sex changes to kids as young as 7?!
I mean seriously. All of a sudden kids are capable of making decisions about their sexuality when the options to pick out their clothes or eat are still handled by their parents- how does that make sense to anyone? But yet here we are, and this crackpot doctor is actually defending his actions. How is this logical? How is this sensible? How does this even smack of anything closely resembling medicine and how is it not akin to child abuse? Ok, I'm done with this venting session, feel free to comment.

Ok, so the following series of thoughts may, on some level, sound like they fly in the face of what I wrote yesterday but just stay with me for a little bit, ok?

I want to talk about the flip side of community. What I'm talking about is the side of community that keeps us cloistered in our Christian ghettos (I mean that in the classical sense, not the more modernized sense)with little reason to poke our heads out of spiritual clouds unless we are "evangelizing." What I'm talking about is the idea that in order to remain a strong Christian, you must surround yourself with only other Christians. I'm referring to the moments in our lives when someone tells us (directly or indirectly) that we need to befriend the sinner so that we can win them to Christ and save their soul from a burning Hell. I'm talking about love with strings attached.

How much do I like it when I can tell that someone is befriending me simply so they can have access to something I have, or something I can do for them? How much do I hate it when someone knows I have access to a certain thing and all of a sudden they're interested in my life when in moments past they had absolutely no desire to know anything substantive about me? But, sometimes I have found myself guilty of the same thing. I seek out certain friendships with other people because of what I have to offer them, namely Jesus. Now, don't get me wrong, Jesus is definitely someone that should be woven through the fabric of our lives, but not in such a way that we don't hear people's hurt or stand with them through their pain simply because all we see is their sin and need for salvation.

How many times have we been standing with someone who may or may not know Christ, and the entire time they are talking about whatever faces them, we are thinking about how we can use what they're saying to point them towards Christ? How often does our desire to be a friend become contingent on whether or not we can "convert the soul?" I would venture to say it happens far too often. People don't always want the gospel. Sometimes they just want an ear that listens and a shoulder that catches tears. Sometimes they just want someone to be there when they're needed. Sure, God can open up opportunities for the gospel to be shared, but shouldn't that in a lot of ways be His deal? Ultimately , shouldn't the moment of decision for someone come about, not because of a calculated plan of attack against the sinners of the world with salvation but as a result of designer... I'm tired and losing coherence. I'll try back when my eyes aren't closing and sandmanic thing are not wafting past my eyes. Yeah, I'm really tired. I'll finish this later

Breathe deeply

What happened to the idea that life was not supposed to be lived alone? I'm not talking about being in some sort of relationship or anything as cliche as that. No, I'm merely talking about having people alongside you that "do life" with you. We have become so focused on "personal growth," and "personal development" that we forget that the healthiest part of life is lived alongside our friends, our family, and those others who remind us that there is more to the life that we live than the existence of our individual goals.

There's a huge push right now within certain Christian communities towards this whole thing called "community," but I would venture to say that few of us really understand what that is or what it looks like. To be honest, I don't know that there is any one thing that it should or does look like. Community is the thing that enables you to let your guard down. It's the safe place that means that no matter who you are, and no matter what you've done or where you've gone, you are accepted for who you are and loved for who you are becoming. Community is the place where you realize fully who you are, because society has stripped away your essence in its attempt to make you into the carbon copy of everything they think is acceptable. Community is the place of safety that compels change. Community is where true "personal development" and personal growth can happen. Community is where we were all intended to be.

If it's true that we were all intended to find a place of community, why is it so often that we run from it? Why do we eschew the very thing which will lead us closer to being who we actually are? Why do we continually seek to foster an environment of individuality, and why is our faith as guilty of it as anything else?

Why do we think that "personal" and "intimate" quiet times with God are the ways in which we will find true development? Why do we think that spending 30 minutes to an hour reading the bible alone and quietly reflecting on what we've read is the way to true spiritual fulfillment and growth? Why do we think we can do this alone? Jesus, in every trying time of his life surrounded himself with those that could build him up and support him. After his 40 day/40 night fast and temptation- the angels; at the Garden of Getshamene- the disciples (albeit sleeping); on the cross- mom, friends, and other family. If Jesus saw fit to surround himself with community, what makes us think we can handle this thing on our own.

So, what am I saying? Live life together. Enjoy each other's company. Argue and debate. love and be frustrated. Breathe in all the flavors, bitter and sweet that life has to offer and remember that the life we live is more than just not for ourselves, it's meant to not be by ourselves either.

Live. Laugh. Love.

An update

I'm gonna post some blogs I have from my myspace page. I think I'm moving my blogging over to here for now. At least I'll double up the posts on both places for a while.

Dare to dream. Dare to find the fantastic.

When did we lose our desire for wonder? When did it become acceptable to simply adopt the reality that is presented to us as fact, never questioning, never wondering, never hoping that there might be more. What happened to the child-like nature of the imagination that enables us to believe in spite of whatever is immediately before us? I'm still processing this one...

Blogging from the road

So, I'm thinking about a bunch right now and the thing that keeps sticking out to me is the idea of pursuing creativity. I'm working on this idea, "dare to find the fantastic.". More later.

Going to Ground

You know, i used to have this thing about comparison. I mean, it's something we all do on occasion, but I used to look at my life- the way I processed and reacted to things, how change affected me, how I worked, what I did and didn't like- and wonder if there was something wrong with it. I didn't do or, on occasion, like the same things as everyone else, and I often found myself needing to work within a specific framework or environment in order for me to operate as effectively as possible. Somewhere along the way, I had convinced myself that all these things- this way that I was me- was somehow wrong. I should adapt to the culture around me, should process or react, work or relate the way others did. "I mean, come on look at (fill in the blank), they do things this way and look at how successful they have been at it," I would think to myself as I attempted to constantly change. Instead of change, all I got was frustration.



Then I thought more about everything and realized that it wasn't my processing that was wrong, but rather the way in which I processed my processing. Sounds mildly circuitous but I promise it makes sense. instead of figuring out how to process in a way that makes the best use of who I was made to be, I began to get caught up in seeing how I could conform that to ways that seemed effective in other people. But it doesn't work. I know that nothing in this post is necessarily earth shaking or revelationary (yep, I made that up- would you have it any other way?) it's just where I am right now. This lack of willingness to accept me for me has robbed me of discovering the fullest extent of who I am as an individual. I've found myself standing in front of a two way mirror that's been dirtied by my face against the glass looking into a world that clamors for everyone's attention, not realizing that if I would only turn on the light and step back, I could see myself for who I am.



So, I stop that and start becoming okay with me and how/when/what I process and deal with. This is my life and instead of merely playing the cards that I've been dealt and hoping that they will change into someone's else's hand, I will instead choose to play my hand well. I will instead choose to anchor myself in who I am and watch as one committed soul, with arms linked to those who would be revolutionaries to the right and left of him, is a part of changing the trajectory of this world.



D-$

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And so it is...

Yeah, so I know it's been a while since I posted to blogger (over a year in fact). I've recently been inspired by a good friend of mine to pick it up again. He blogs relatively religiously, and this seems like a good way to stay connected with, if nothing else, myself without all the extra stuff that things like myspace and facebook bring to the table. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love those websites, but there's something to be said for just putting words on a page with little regard for all the other "ness" that goes along with the aforementioned sites.

So I just started a new job working for Teen Mania this past week, and it has been nothing if not potentially overwhelming. It has been a week long experience of completely learning about myself more than anything. I have a team of about 20 or so working under me, and having to be an effective leader is one of the most challenging things in the world. It has nothing to do with capability, and everything to do with wanting to be the type of leader that is needed. It's been awesome and scary all at the same time, but I would not change it for the world.

Let's see, what else? Ah yes, I am working (again) on exercising the creative muscles. I, if you didn't know, believe that creativity is not necessarily something you are just born with, I believe it is something which can be cultivated in those who have even the slightest spark of it at all. So, I commit to further developing it in myself. How? By surrounding myself with creative stimuli- both people and things that get my mind thinking in a way that destroys the box thinking that can sometimes- ok all the time- be limiting to our ability to be creative.

Ok, that's enough for tonight I think. I think I'm going to try the blogger thing again. I'll let you know how it goes. Well, actually, you can see for yourself.