Sunday, September 28, 2008

Musings at 27- I'm still "here"

This is not where I thought I'd be at 27. Truthfully, though, I don't know that I had a plan for this age. 27 is one of those interesting, non-milestone years that people often don't think about. It comes right in the middle of lower car rental rates and a number that people of all classes dread, the big 3-0. Not sure why, but maybe I'll realize it more soon as it looms steadily closer.

That being said, this still isn't where I thought I'd be. I don't know, maybe the constant talk of potential and connection when I was younger led me to assume that by now I'd be more...more...more something. A full time career I love, romantic pursuits, a more steady life- something. Instead I find myself here. And where is here?

Here is the place where, though settled in the existence of a bigger purpose in my life, I still have yet to really know what it is, much less see it. Here is living someplace new (again) with a cadre of close associates and neophytic friendships but with not much in the way of true relationship depth. Here is working at a place I love but never thought I'd be. Here is looking upward with a certain sense of puzzlement wondering what the hell it all means. Here is an interesting place.

But somehow I'm reminded that here isn't so bad. As I look out at the landscape of my life, through the lens of history and remembrance, I can't help but be reminded that I'm still "here." Despite the struggles, the loss of a parent, a house, a job- I'm here. Despite homelessness, carlessness, directionlessness- I'm here. Despite feeling alone at times, forlorn at times, cast adrift at times- I'm here. Somehow, through all of that (and so much more) I'm still standing, looking upward and saying, "what's next?" Somehow God has still seen fit to hold me under the shadow of his wings and keep me from caving in, from cracking under the weight of what, at times, seems like immeasurable pressure. Somehow, though I'm pressed, I'm not crushed, though at times I have felt persecuted, I know I'm not abandoned; though I may feel struck down, I'm not destroyed. Somehow I'm still here with a smile on my face. Somehow I'm still committed to telling the story of deliverance and grace constantly being worked out in my life. Somehow I know that, in spite of it all, "here" is where I'm supposed to be. May I ever live in the revelation of living "here" to the fullest.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

And I am glad you are here. Hope your birthday is amazing and know that I miss you so much!
Love, Cuda :~)