Tuesday, July 29, 2008

When Help is Your Only Prayer

I realized something recently. I can't return to Tulsa. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love this place, have great friends, a great church, and led a great life while I was here. This also doesn't mean that I'll never be back. It's just the right now life in Tulsa that I can't do. It's weird and more than a little bit new for me. In seasons past, I've had no choice but to accept the cards that I was dealt and deal with them as best I could. But now, opportunities are presenting themselves to me and I am choosing to walk away from them because something in my gut is telling me I have to. Sure, there are a host of reasons why I can't stay- mostly emotional and spiritual- but that's not what this post is about. No, this is about the choice I don't want
to make. This is about faith in spite of what's easiest and about deciding to Robert Frost it down an occasionally darkened path because something bigger than yourself is drawing you there.

Truth be told, I'm scared- really scared. In times past I've allowed my faith to guide me because I had seemingly just fallen into the situations I found myself in and therefore had no choice. This time I'm choosing this path above all others. What's my fear? That I got it wrong. I'm afraid that what I'm thinking I'm hearing is not what's actually being said. I'm afraid that I might be missing God in my haste and zeal to find the right direction for my life. I'm afraid I'm
getting it wrong. But I am reminded of something I all too often tell friends facing similar situations- "God is bigger than our inability to always hear exactly what he's saying.". What I mean is that I believe is that God is more interested in a submitted heart constantly striving than He is in if we got the interpretation exactly right. He wants our hearts because as long as He has those, what we do will be about bringing Him glory and not serving our own selfish agendas. So, I keep reminding myself to keep striving towards a goal I can't always see to serve a God I can't always understand because I still believe his ways are truly past finding out and his purpose for me not yet fully revealed. So, right now my prayer is simple- "help.". Help me
understand my purpose and destiny. Help me know what's next and help me have the inner fortitude and faith to keep walking down the path. I'm sure it will make all the difference.

Pursue. Original.

-Damany

Saturday, July 26, 2008

If Music Festivals Were Churches...

I went out to Dfest last night, and must say that I had an absolute blast. The opportunity to be surrounded by hundreds of thousands of other people who have one thing on their mind, the pursuit of good music, is absolutely amazing. Everyone there was a "friend" to everyone else, simply because we shared a common goal- music. People I had not seen in ages came out of the woodwork, and people I had never met stood side by side with me and sang at the top of our collective lungs. The streets of Tulsa ran free with love and acceptance and I loved it.

This morning as I thought about all that I had experienced, I realized how much of a typology of the Church last night's gathering could be. It was a gathering of people of all races, genders, age ranges, sexual preferences, religions, and cultures who were there for an express purpose. They came with their brokenness, their failures, their struggles and their successes, and were all dedicated to this pursuit. What if the Church were more like that? What if we could stand side by side with the broken without the fear that their perceived "filth" or sin would rub off on us and sully our previously unmarred appearance? What if we could accept people for where they were while letting our ife and conversation push them towards all that God has created them to be? What if love really did have the power to change and what if loving extravagantly really did bring about extravagant results in people's lives? How different would our evangelistic outreaches be if they were built out of love and showing Christ's to the world as opposed to an increase in our "salvation" numbers for the week/month/year? What if we really believed that it was God's job to change people and our job to love them and present them with the truth of the Gospel in a way that doesn't condemn them but draws them into the "Amazing Love" of God?

Love as if all the world depends on it- because it does.

Pursue. Original.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

When fog lights the way...

I've been trying to write something creative for quite some time now, and nothing comes to me. I can't seem to figure out why. It's like there's some sort of blockage to the creative flow of ideas that has at other times flowed so freely from my mind. It kind of sucks. It seems like I am in this dry spell. The interesting thing is that often when I find myself in situations such as the one I am in now (i.e. jobless, seeking vision and direction), the weight of the situation virtually compels me to write. Poems flow, blogs come in abundance, and the tide of creative thought can scarcely be stemmed. This situation seems to be quite the opposite. By the way, if you're reading this post looking for some sort of nugget hidden amidst the drivel, I can't promise that it'll be there. This is just me writing as I think, trying frantically to get my thoughts on paper (well, sort of) before they escape and hoping that the processing of paper will lead me to some sort of identifiable conclusion.

Ok, here's where I am. At this point, we all know that I was let go from my position with Teen Mania after only five months being there. It threw me for a definite loop. It came out of nowhere, especially after the warm welcome I received when I first came on staff from people at all levels of leadership. To say that it was upsetting, frustrating, and overall pretty sucky for me would be a tad bit or an understatement. Nevertheless, as I have also indicated in previous blogs God met me at the point of my need and hooked me up with a temporary job that started two days after my old one ended. That's now over as well, and it forces me to confront the harsh reality of my situation. I'm unemployed. Again. I thought I had a more long term solution on the horizon, but that dell through, so I am grinding it out, searching for something that is my "next," though I am not entirely sure which direction I am to be walking in. I mean, there are lots of things that I love and enjoy working on, but which of those things am I to expend my energy in accomplishing? I have no idea.

Here are a couple of my aphorisms for life right now:
1. Pursue. Original.
2. Run boldly in the direction of your dreams.

My question now is, what if you're not even sure what those dreams are anymore? What do you do when the direction is hazy, when a low lying fog occludes even the path from being seen? The Bible says in Psalms 119:105 that God's word is "a lamp to my feet and a light for my path." So often I have counseled people with this scripture, declaring that we should trust God to let us see the next step instead of always trying to figure out the everything. I find myself in the place of my own counsel. I can't see the path though... and that scares me a little bit. I mean, I know what I enjoy and at what I excel, but how they play together and how to get paid for them is a different story all together. I really thought I had found something for which I was uniquely suited at my last job, managing and inspiring people, leading creative initiatives, travelling, being a part of impacting a culture and shaping a generation. And now, that's gone. So what's next? Where is that light that supposedly breaks through the dawn and illumines the path before me so I know what direction to run boldly towards?

I'm ready to be settled. Not bored and stoic, just settled. I'm ready for some stability. I don't mean I want to settle in one place for the rest of my life, I simply mean I want things to come together in a way that makes sense. I want all the tales of my life to come together to craft a story, and for all the pieces to come together to create the mosaic that is my future- that is my life. I want my life to count for more than right now. I'm ready for true vision. The type of vision that compels change, first in yourself, and later in the world around you. I'm ready for the kind of vision that paints before you a future you can see-if not yet touch, until the brushstrokes of dreams become the concrete of realities. May that day come quickly.

Pursue.Original.