Tuesday, July 29, 2008

When Help is Your Only Prayer

I realized something recently. I can't return to Tulsa. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love this place, have great friends, a great church, and led a great life while I was here. This also doesn't mean that I'll never be back. It's just the right now life in Tulsa that I can't do. It's weird and more than a little bit new for me. In seasons past, I've had no choice but to accept the cards that I was dealt and deal with them as best I could. But now, opportunities are presenting themselves to me and I am choosing to walk away from them because something in my gut is telling me I have to. Sure, there are a host of reasons why I can't stay- mostly emotional and spiritual- but that's not what this post is about. No, this is about the choice I don't want
to make. This is about faith in spite of what's easiest and about deciding to Robert Frost it down an occasionally darkened path because something bigger than yourself is drawing you there.

Truth be told, I'm scared- really scared. In times past I've allowed my faith to guide me because I had seemingly just fallen into the situations I found myself in and therefore had no choice. This time I'm choosing this path above all others. What's my fear? That I got it wrong. I'm afraid that what I'm thinking I'm hearing is not what's actually being said. I'm afraid that I might be missing God in my haste and zeal to find the right direction for my life. I'm afraid I'm
getting it wrong. But I am reminded of something I all too often tell friends facing similar situations- "God is bigger than our inability to always hear exactly what he's saying.". What I mean is that I believe is that God is more interested in a submitted heart constantly striving than He is in if we got the interpretation exactly right. He wants our hearts because as long as He has those, what we do will be about bringing Him glory and not serving our own selfish agendas. So, I keep reminding myself to keep striving towards a goal I can't always see to serve a God I can't always understand because I still believe his ways are truly past finding out and his purpose for me not yet fully revealed. So, right now my prayer is simple- "help.". Help me
understand my purpose and destiny. Help me know what's next and help me have the inner fortitude and faith to keep walking down the path. I'm sure it will make all the difference.

Pursue. Original.


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