Wednesday, March 01, 2006

nike ain't easy...

So, I worry that I may have inadvertantly and adversely affected the nature of friendships that I hold dear. I am not sure if this is an accurate reflection, but nevertheless one that I am currently feeling. I realize that we all act in a lot of ways out of our hurts, out of our fears and out of our insecurities. That was great to know when it was someone else, but a lot different when it is me on the acting end and not on the counseling and processing end of those hurts and pains. For the longest time I have advised friends and family alike as to the best ways to handle their situations, often adopting the "Nike-esque" philosophy of just do it. Often I was able to be with people at their greatest moments of personal change and was honored to be a part of those moments. But here, at this moment of consternation in my life, I find myself stuck, immobilized by a force more gripping than any other I have confronted-- fear.

How can this be, I wonder. I mean I have always talked about how it is better to just confront that which lies in front of you as opposed to allowing it to languish on ad infinitum. I have always felt, no known, that it really is better to grab life by the horns and attempt to steer it in whatsoever direction you choose, regardless of the impact it may or may not have on current situations. I mean, it is better to live life knowing what cards are in your hand then to constantly wonder about the efficacy of what may or may not be.

So, to anyone I have ever spoken to about confronting fear and simply overcoming it, I apologize. Fear is a cruel mistress that is not so easily overcome by simple decision. Now, I still contend that fear is overcome by simply oveercoming it, but the ease with which that overcoming happens is not at all how I have often presented it. Yeah, just get over stuff, confront the past, your situation, your personal beliefs that stand in the way of further development because it really is just that easy. Right.

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