It's His Deal

Wow, it's been a while since I've written.  I'd love to say I have a good reason...but I don't.  Anywho, let's jump right in.

So, I have a new job.  Yes, it is quite exciting and I am beyond happy/grateful/excited/other positive adjectives that describe extreme joy and a sense of mirth.  This is one of the unique and rare once in a lifetime jobs that seems like it was created specifically for me.  I couldn't have asked for a better company, a better crowd of coworkers, or a better opportunity to do what I love- all of what I love.  In short, it's nothing short of a miracle, and I am extremely grateful to God for opening this door.  But then the doubt set in.

As amazing as this job is, I can't help but finding myself feeling like I'm almost out of my depth.  I mean, this seriously is perfect for me, but yet I still struggle with the idea that I can't do it.  It's silly, I know, but nevertheless that's where I find myself, battling between destiny and doubt and not loving the constant tension.  I know this is a God thing, but I still find myself doubting that I have what it takes to do it.  I know that this doubt is kind of like the parable Jesus talks about in Matthew 13 with the tares and the wheat.  The truth came to me, and this is just the enemy's attempt to choke the life out of the promise with doubts, worries, and concerns.  I know that, but still I feel occasionally incapable of delivering what is expected of me.  But then I remember, it's not my deal.

I've been reading through Exodus for a while now, and this morning I found myself in chapter 31.  To be honest, I skipped past a few chapters that were talking about the construction of the washbasin, and the ephods.  My eyes were starting to cross at all the attention to detail.  The former part of chapter 31 talks about how God has specifically chosen a man to construct the various items of the tabernacle and the accouterments surrounding the tabernacle and has also specifically chosen his assistant.  It actually says,

Then the Lord said to Moses,2 "Look, I have specifically chosen Bezalel son of Uri, grandson of Hur, of the tribe of Judah.3 I have filled him with the Spirit of God, giving him great wisdom, ability, and expertise in all kinds of crafts.4 He is a master craftsman, expert in working with gold, silver, and bronze.5 He is skilled in engraving and mounting gemstones and in carving wood. He is a master at every craft!  6 "And I have personally appointed Oholiab son of Ahisamach, of the tribe of Dan, to be his assistant. Moreover, I have given special skill to all the gifted craftsmen so they can make all the things I have commanded you to make:

I wonder how freaked out Bezalel was when Moses came to him. Did the conversation go something like this?

M: "hey dude, I have a job for you"

B: "Yeah, what's up?"

M: "You're pretty well known for having some talent when it comes to building stuff, so there's a building project I need you and Oholiab to work on."

B: "Yeah, no problem, whatcha got?"

M: "Well, we're building a temple for God so we can worship Him while we're out here in the wilderness. It pretty much needs to be perfect and God gave me some exact dimensions and schematics to get it done. It's kind of a big deal and will be remembered for generations. You down? Oh yeah, and God specifically requested you."

B: (swallowing hard and with a panicked look on his face) "He did?"

M: "Yeah"

B: (stammering) "Um, Mo, I don't know if I can do this. I mean YHWH seriously requested me? That's kind of a big deal. I mean, I've just built some stuff as a slave in Egypt, not sure if building a home for the most high God is really in my skillset."

M: "Yeah, but God requested you, so...thanks I'll send you the plans tomorrow."

As silly as that seems to me now as I write it, if I'm honest, how different is my response to God in this? I know this is something to which God has called me, and yet I push back as if it is possible for me to fail so long as I stay submitted. It's His deal and I just have to accept the fact that He has given me the special skill necessary to make all the things He has commanded." It's not my skill that does it, it's merely a gift of skill that got loaned to me for a little bit. I'm just a steward, the responsibility to see it flourish is on the guy that owns the land. Sometimes I forget that.