Saturday, January 28, 2006

The other side...

So, yesterday I went out to coffee with the guy I mentioned that I called to talk to about the things going on in my life. (If you don't know and are thoroughly confused, read "As we confront our darker demons..."). It was good. Actually, good is quite an understatement. I never realized the extreme freedom that comes from divulging of yourself to someone whose only interest is in your well being. It was liberating, and as I exposed the inner concerns, struggles and contemplations of my heart and life, it felt as if there were an extremely heavy weight lifted from my shoulders. I mean, here I had been carrying around the burden of my own struggles by myself, never trusting that anyone would be able to, much less interested in helping me with the load. I loved being able to be open about myself and not having to feel like there was a pretense that I had to put up in order to be accepted. I walked past the point of being for acceptance sake and just was for the sake of being (please note the several conjugations of the verb "to be"). At the end of the hour we spent together I felt like I had been handed a new lease on life (a euphemism I have always heard, but never truly understood until recently). The funniest thing is that the hour seemed like it lasted so much longer. Now, I don't mean that in a bad way, you know, not in the 'dear sweet God, this seems to be dragging on ad infinitum' type of long lasting. What I mean is that I felt like I divulged so much information and received so much clarity, that time must have stood still for some portion of that hour. It was great.

Yeah, I knew that some of these entries would be messy and not make much sense, and this is one such entry. I am using this to process through things and appreciate you being patient in the process. Yesterday was the beginning of what is sure to be a journey, and I am grateful for the friends who have committed to stand with me along the way. There are people who come into your life and through an circumstance, stay constant, never changing in their love for you and their support of whatever you endeavor to undertake. To those friends, I say thank you. If you're wondering who you are, it's really quite simple. If, while reading this you smiled a knowing smile, then I mean you. Thank you so much--I love you.


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