Child Sex Changes? What's wrong with us?

So, I stumbled upon this article on FoxNews.com today and was more than a little disturbed. What is this world coming to when we are offering things like sex changes to kids as young as 7?!
I mean seriously. All of a sudden kids are capable of making decisions about their sexuality when the options to pick out their clothes or eat are still handled by their parents- how does that make sense to anyone? But yet here we are, and this crackpot doctor is actually defending his actions. How is this logical? How is this sensible? How does this even smack of anything closely resembling medicine and how is it not akin to child abuse? Ok, I'm done with this venting session, feel free to comment.

Ok, so the following series of thoughts may, on some level, sound like they fly in the face of what I wrote yesterday but just stay with me for a little bit, ok?

I want to talk about the flip side of community. What I'm talking about is the side of community that keeps us cloistered in our Christian ghettos (I mean that in the classical sense, not the more modernized sense)with little reason to poke our heads out of spiritual clouds unless we are "evangelizing." What I'm talking about is the idea that in order to remain a strong Christian, you must surround yourself with only other Christians. I'm referring to the moments in our lives when someone tells us (directly or indirectly) that we need to befriend the sinner so that we can win them to Christ and save their soul from a burning Hell. I'm talking about love with strings attached.

How much do I like it when I can tell that someone is befriending me simply so they can have access to something I have, or something I can do for them? How much do I hate it when someone knows I have access to a certain thing and all of a sudden they're interested in my life when in moments past they had absolutely no desire to know anything substantive about me? But, sometimes I have found myself guilty of the same thing. I seek out certain friendships with other people because of what I have to offer them, namely Jesus. Now, don't get me wrong, Jesus is definitely someone that should be woven through the fabric of our lives, but not in such a way that we don't hear people's hurt or stand with them through their pain simply because all we see is their sin and need for salvation.

How many times have we been standing with someone who may or may not know Christ, and the entire time they are talking about whatever faces them, we are thinking about how we can use what they're saying to point them towards Christ? How often does our desire to be a friend become contingent on whether or not we can "convert the soul?" I would venture to say it happens far too often. People don't always want the gospel. Sometimes they just want an ear that listens and a shoulder that catches tears. Sometimes they just want someone to be there when they're needed. Sure, God can open up opportunities for the gospel to be shared, but shouldn't that in a lot of ways be His deal? Ultimately , shouldn't the moment of decision for someone come about, not because of a calculated plan of attack against the sinners of the world with salvation but as a result of designer... I'm tired and losing coherence. I'll try back when my eyes aren't closing and sandmanic thing are not wafting past my eyes. Yeah, I'm really tired. I'll finish this later

Breathe deeply

What happened to the idea that life was not supposed to be lived alone? I'm not talking about being in some sort of relationship or anything as cliche as that. No, I'm merely talking about having people alongside you that "do life" with you. We have become so focused on "personal growth," and "personal development" that we forget that the healthiest part of life is lived alongside our friends, our family, and those others who remind us that there is more to the life that we live than the existence of our individual goals.

There's a huge push right now within certain Christian communities towards this whole thing called "community," but I would venture to say that few of us really understand what that is or what it looks like. To be honest, I don't know that there is any one thing that it should or does look like. Community is the thing that enables you to let your guard down. It's the safe place that means that no matter who you are, and no matter what you've done or where you've gone, you are accepted for who you are and loved for who you are becoming. Community is the place where you realize fully who you are, because society has stripped away your essence in its attempt to make you into the carbon copy of everything they think is acceptable. Community is the place of safety that compels change. Community is where true "personal development" and personal growth can happen. Community is where we were all intended to be.

If it's true that we were all intended to find a place of community, why is it so often that we run from it? Why do we eschew the very thing which will lead us closer to being who we actually are? Why do we continually seek to foster an environment of individuality, and why is our faith as guilty of it as anything else?

Why do we think that "personal" and "intimate" quiet times with God are the ways in which we will find true development? Why do we think that spending 30 minutes to an hour reading the bible alone and quietly reflecting on what we've read is the way to true spiritual fulfillment and growth? Why do we think we can do this alone? Jesus, in every trying time of his life surrounded himself with those that could build him up and support him. After his 40 day/40 night fast and temptation- the angels; at the Garden of Getshamene- the disciples (albeit sleeping); on the cross- mom, friends, and other family. If Jesus saw fit to surround himself with community, what makes us think we can handle this thing on our own.

So, what am I saying? Live life together. Enjoy each other's company. Argue and debate. love and be frustrated. Breathe in all the flavors, bitter and sweet that life has to offer and remember that the life we live is more than just not for ourselves, it's meant to not be by ourselves either.

Live. Laugh. Love.

An update

I'm gonna post some blogs I have from my myspace page. I think I'm moving my blogging over to here for now. At least I'll double up the posts on both places for a while.

Dare to dream. Dare to find the fantastic.

When did we lose our desire for wonder? When did it become acceptable to simply adopt the reality that is presented to us as fact, never questioning, never wondering, never hoping that there might be more. What happened to the child-like nature of the imagination that enables us to believe in spite of whatever is immediately before us? I'm still processing this one...

Blogging from the road

So, I'm thinking about a bunch right now and the thing that keeps sticking out to me is the idea of pursuing creativity. I'm working on this idea, "dare to find the fantastic.". More later.

Going to Ground

You know, i used to have this thing about comparison. I mean, it's something we all do on occasion, but I used to look at my life- the way I processed and reacted to things, how change affected me, how I worked, what I did and didn't like- and wonder if there was something wrong with it. I didn't do or, on occasion, like the same things as everyone else, and I often found myself needing to work within a specific framework or environment in order for me to operate as effectively as possible. Somewhere along the way, I had convinced myself that all these things- this way that I was me- was somehow wrong. I should adapt to the culture around me, should process or react, work or relate the way others did. "I mean, come on look at (fill in the blank), they do things this way and look at how successful they have been at it," I would think to myself as I attempted to constantly change. Instead of change, all I got was frustration.



Then I thought more about everything and realized that it wasn't my processing that was wrong, but rather the way in which I processed my processing. Sounds mildly circuitous but I promise it makes sense. instead of figuring out how to process in a way that makes the best use of who I was made to be, I began to get caught up in seeing how I could conform that to ways that seemed effective in other people. But it doesn't work. I know that nothing in this post is necessarily earth shaking or revelationary (yep, I made that up- would you have it any other way?) it's just where I am right now. This lack of willingness to accept me for me has robbed me of discovering the fullest extent of who I am as an individual. I've found myself standing in front of a two way mirror that's been dirtied by my face against the glass looking into a world that clamors for everyone's attention, not realizing that if I would only turn on the light and step back, I could see myself for who I am.



So, I stop that and start becoming okay with me and how/when/what I process and deal with. This is my life and instead of merely playing the cards that I've been dealt and hoping that they will change into someone's else's hand, I will instead choose to play my hand well. I will instead choose to anchor myself in who I am and watch as one committed soul, with arms linked to those who would be revolutionaries to the right and left of him, is a part of changing the trajectory of this world.



D-$

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And so it is...

Yeah, so I know it's been a while since I posted to blogger (over a year in fact). I've recently been inspired by a good friend of mine to pick it up again. He blogs relatively religiously, and this seems like a good way to stay connected with, if nothing else, myself without all the extra stuff that things like myspace and facebook bring to the table. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love those websites, but there's something to be said for just putting words on a page with little regard for all the other "ness" that goes along with the aforementioned sites.

So I just started a new job working for Teen Mania this past week, and it has been nothing if not potentially overwhelming. It has been a week long experience of completely learning about myself more than anything. I have a team of about 20 or so working under me, and having to be an effective leader is one of the most challenging things in the world. It has nothing to do with capability, and everything to do with wanting to be the type of leader that is needed. It's been awesome and scary all at the same time, but I would not change it for the world.

Let's see, what else? Ah yes, I am working (again) on exercising the creative muscles. I, if you didn't know, believe that creativity is not necessarily something you are just born with, I believe it is something which can be cultivated in those who have even the slightest spark of it at all. So, I commit to further developing it in myself. How? By surrounding myself with creative stimuli- both people and things that get my mind thinking in a way that destroys the box thinking that can sometimes- ok all the time- be limiting to our ability to be creative.

Ok, that's enough for tonight I think. I think I'm going to try the blogger thing again. I'll let you know how it goes. Well, actually, you can see for yourself.

Monkeys...

It's been a long and relatively rough road for me of late. You've read of it in the frustrated ministrations of blogs of old, but even those have not fully expressed the level to which I have found myself pressed. It ends, we all know that- at some point, but it never ends exactly as or when we expect it. So, I write this from the other side of victory. i write this from the side where victory is promised though not yet realized, and from a place where promises are still that, things to which you cling to- oftentimes desperately- lest despair overtake you. I write from a place of ever increasing brokenness, knowing that only in denying my ability to put myself back together again will I ever be found in a place of real and genuine wholeness.

If it's true what the Bible says, and all the promises of God really are "yes and amen," then we can as much hold to those promises as we can anything that is "tangible" and "real" on the other side (the fulfilled side) of the promise. But holding to a promise isn't where it stops.

I remember growing up and playing on the monkey bars, you know those things jutting out from the ground in all their linear metal glory, which enabled you to how off you ape-like prowess, often to the delight and admiration (or so I thought) of whatever adolescent females were playing on the nearby swings or see saw (teeter totter to some-not sure who, but I heard Ned Flanders say it once). As you got older, you further attempted impressification (not a word- I know) through super human feats like pull ups and such, but that's farther in the future than this analogy allows. No, ape-like agility is where we currently find ourselves.

To those not accustomed yo or familiar with the Monkey Bars (first of all, I am sorry for your loss- they were awesome), the ultimate trick was to keep moving forward. Take one hand and grasp the next bar, shift weight and grab the next, shift weight and grab the next, and the next and... until you reach the other side and start the blessed process all over again. In retrospect, I'm not sure why they were such fun, but I did absolutely love those things. Anyway- holding and hanging on in one place was not advised because eventually gravity would win. Holding on to the bar, secure though it was, eventually led you to feel the eternal weight of the world pulling down on you- so you kept moving. Was the aforementioned weight gone? By no means, but now you had an accomplishable goal a few inches in front of you, followed by another and another, and another until you found yourself at the end and able to stand up and rest.

What if the promises are just like that? What if, even though we know them to be solid and filled with substance, backed by the full weight and authority of God, we aren's just supposed to hold onto them. What if we're to move? We see an opportunity so we seize it and move forward, if only a few inches, until another one appears. We follow this (occasionally menial, trite and sometimes confusing) pathway of repetition until we find ourselves at the end and still holding on to the promise, but now with stronger arms and a bolder will then we had before.

We've now seen the promise become more than just a distant hope, it has literally been the thing to which we have held, that which has moved us forward and kept us from falling into an abyss of unfulfilled dreams and broken possibilities. Though reaching the end of this particular set of monkey bars is not the final destination, we do find ourselves in a place where we can rest, look back and realize how great is our God.

Listen to the ass

For some strange reason this morning, I felt compelled to read the story of Balaam and his donkey, actually, for the purposes of shock value and the fact that I can actually get away with it if I use Old English, I read again the story of Balaam and his ass. It's one of those stories that you probably know if you've been a christian for any length of time, especially if you were raised in church like me. Because of that, however, I think it is also one of those stories that few people actually read for themselves. I decided to no longer be one of those people, so I read it.

Here's the basic recap... Balaam is headed to Moab with the messengers from the Moabite king because he got scared of the Israelites. He thinks they're going to wipe him off the face of the planet because there are so many of them and wants Balaam to pronounce a curse on them so he can get rid of them. Balaam agrees to go with the guys after some crafty negotiating and wakes up the next morning to make the (presumably) long trek to the king. On the way an Angel of the Lord is standing in his way ready to kill him, but his donkey three times stops and occasionally causes him injury to keep him from going on. Balaam gets mad at his donkey each time because he can't see the impending doom that is feet in front of him. Finally, the donkey speaks:

What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?"

29 Balaam answered the donkey, "You have made a fool of me! If I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you right now."

30 The donkey said to Balaam, "Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden, to this day? Have I been in the habit of doing this to you?"
"No," he said.

First of all, does anyone else find it strange that Balaam doesn't even flinch when his Donkey (made capital because it is now his proper name) starts yammering at him? Is this a part of normal course in ancient Israel? Do people regularly sit and have chats with their animals about the matters of the day? Man, are we missing out. Think of all the wonderful things your pets could say- why they chewed up the furniture, why they chase their tail, why they just don't like your significant other...the list is endless. But alas, we don't. So sad.

Ok, enough with the randomness. After the Donkey speaks, the Lord opens up Balaam's eyes and he sees the angel standing in the road with his sword raised and finally gets it. He apologizes profusely and vows to turn back if it will appease an angry God (funny what you'll do when faced with you own mortal peril). God tells him to go on but only say what He wants him to say.

Here's the thing that sticks out to me as I am sure it has stuck out to thousands upon thousands of people before me- the Donkey. Here was a part of Balaam's everyday life that God was desperately trying to communicate to Balaam through, but he was so set on pursuing his own path and his own course of action that he never realized that his own demise was drawing nigh (see, I told you I was going to stick with some Olde English). How often is that the case with me?

I have a plan. I have a direction in which I am headed and I am dead set on getting there come hell or highwater, but things derail me. So, instead of necessarily assessing where I am or why the thing has been derailed, I get back on the horse (or Donkey) and plod along (please note the continual equestrian references) hoping that maybe this time will be better. Things stay the same and I try again, never realizing that perhaps a change of course is necessary. "I mean, it seemed like a good idea and direction at the time, so how come it isn't working? Why can't I find the break that I'm looking for? I know God said to do (fill in the blank) so, now what?" These are some of the questions I have posed of late and often to a deafening wall of silence from the Jesus (pronounced hay-soos for those of you wondering). But what if the silence is an indication that I'm missing something? What if the fact that each of these things that are not working out the way I thought that they should is not a sign that more faith is required to persevere, but rather a sign that something new is needed? my father always said to us, "don't get to be forty and look back on your life and realize that you missed out or messed up because you weren't listening to what God told you to do."

I had a guy come up to me at City Worship a few weeks ago. Now nornmally I am hesitant to have random people come up and want to pray with me. I'm not caught up in the whole transferrence of spirits thing, it's more because I like my Jesus (pronounced Jesus) time to be my time without any external incursion. But, he came up to me and asked me if he could pray with me. I said yes. After praying and as he was walking away, he turned to me and said, "sometimes you have to just keep digging until you find water." I said the requisite "thank you" and possibly even an "amen" and then he left. Later, as I thought about what he said, I realized I had missed out on the core of the message in the simple words. When digging a well, a well digger (the acutal title for the job) may have to try several locations before he strikes water. All the time he's digging, he has to believe that this one (or when it's proven to be dry- the next one) will be the spot for the water he's been searching for. But through all of that, he cannot (for you Kelsey) stop digging. He can't get frustrated and throw up his hands because it didn't work out the first few times- he has to keep pushing on and trying new things when what he's trying doesn't yield any results. So too with us.

When what you're doing doesn't seem to be getting you anywhere, try something new. But remember to be cognizant of the everything around you because God is probably speaking to you through things and people that you weren't necessarily looking or listening for. May I always be aware, oh Lord, of your voice, in whatever form it comes.

Oh yeah, the other thing that has been sticking out to me of late is the concept that as Jesus gets big in your life, everything else seems to be insignificant. I heard it again for the first time from a mentor friend of mine, then again in church on Sunday, and then again from Laura's blog entitled Full in His Face. I could go into more detail about that concept, but she does a fabulous job so go read what she said. Actually, just go ahead and subscribe to all her blogs. Love ya Foot!

D-$

Views from the Vagabond

So, every morning I get an e-mail from some random person in some random state with a bunch of quotes designed to inspire me to accomplish great things. It's really one of the greatest things you can imagine. I mean, every morning (yep, even including Saturday and Sunday) I get to hear from some of the world's and history's most influential and impacting people- not a bad deal. Anyway (please note the absence of the letter s from the preceding word- my cause for the week is gramattical correctness), today there were a host of quotes from people ranging from Ayn Rand to the incomperable Lucille Ball , but the one that stuck out to me was from the queen of all time television herself- Madame O. Yep, Oprah Winfrey in a recent issue of O magazine (I say recent, but I have no idea as there was no date attached) said the following: "Understand that the right to choose your own path is a sacred privilege. Use it. Dwell in possiblity." What stuck out most to me was the latter part of that quote, "dwell in possibility."

If anyone knows me, they know that I try to be big on seeing possibility out of the bleakest and most desire of circumstances- including my own. Sure, I get frustrated and want to throw in the towel on occasion, but by and large, I try to hold onto hope (things are gonna get better- Thank you TV singers) even when things seem hopeless. I mean ultimately it's what little we can hold on to when all else seems to fail. For those of you that do not know this about me, I have been basically homeless for the past several months (and by basically, I mean I have been). Now I don't mean homeless in the sense that I have been despondent or living on the street corner begging for change, no I simply mean I have been in a pretty consistent state of transition for the better part of 7 months. It's been humbling to say the least. Currently I reside on a couch at a friend's house who has been kind enough to open his doors to me, the vagabond from Brooklyn. I love it and I hate it.

Recently, this friend of mine and I had a conversation about my current state and why I was in it. My only answer boiled down to one word- hope. I know that the outside of this present circumstance seems bleak and dire, but I know that ultimately there is hope. I have a job, and I love it even if it isn't paying me as much as I could be elsewhere. I am getting to create something where there once was nothing- it's exhilirating. I am surrounded by friends of the highest calliber who do nothing but support me in all that I do (ergo my current living situation) and I am on the path of something great. I don't entirely know what that is or what it looks like, but I know that I am.

Countless times I have been asked why I don't simple get a different job and start afresh. Get my own place, get off the couch and be a responsible adult. Again- hope. There is an inward hope that somehow I have made the right decision. I mean, I just know it. Starting your own something is never easy. Deciding to fly in the face of convention is unorthodox at best, insane at worst. But, nevertheless I know it's right. I know that to continue to plod along after a dream that is continuing to take shape as I live it is what I am supposed to do. I strive for a seemingly unattainable goal, and that keeps me hungry. I want to see the world changed. I want arts and music to sweep the world in such a way that people can not help but be changed by its influences. I want to see lives made better by the others they come into contact with. It's impossible to see that fully realized in my lifetime- I get that- and that's what keeps me striving for its attainment, the hope that I will see some part of it in my now.

Here's my bottom line. I will continue to strive for that which sometimes seems to only make sense in my head. I will be tempered by experiences and the friends around me who are good enough to support me and to be honest at the same time. I am committed to the pursuit of a vision and the dedication to a dream even if I don't always know what exactly that dream or vision is. I am committed to pursuing purpose and to not giving up because things get difficult. I've been homeless, and it's been liberating because it has taught me the value of friendship and the value of hope. I seek to constantly dwell in possibility.


D-$

You're the wake in my morning
the dream in my sleep
You're my everything
and nothing is found when I speak

You move me to words
only silence conveys
you're what opens and captures
my heart to be free

I feell like I'm fighting for every inch of your heart
on a battlefield of memories
across painful seas that won't part

In a press for the moment
As I contend for the chance
to allow your soul to move me
to let our hearts dance

Because brushing past my lies
are lips that speak to what's inside
And as I fall into your arms
there I lose all my disguise

Corners

Silent, questioning, she wondered
aloud and tried to find
the answers to her queries
and end to troubled mind
Though beginning was her journey
neverending was her search
long necked tower as her steeple
rock and blues her hymns of church

and we stood there on the corner
Superstar and saints in wait
deciphering tomorrow
while unfolding brittle faith

She spoke to me of striving
by strength and faith to contend
for the secret silence angels speak
that trumpet worlds without an end

I told her of my falling when she asked about my faith
a momentary meeting
of humanity and grace

I told her that through failure
flowing gently from the cross
is a prayer that claims forgiveness
salvation for the lost

And we paused while looking upward
towards a future we can't see
we dared to dream forgiveness
and in the still, heard small voice speak

I loved you from the moment
when through your eyes I saw your soul
when sheepish over shoulder
a glance I stole
away from childish dreams
and fancied nights
of tossing turning restlesness
and early autumn light
breaks down the pathway to the heart
wherein I've hid
the secret scars that bind me
find me oft cowering within
the smiles built up walls with moated
failsafe fallback plans
that bid me all too often
play it safe
from danger and deceit
hurt lies and fearful chance
stay tucked away fhalf complete
locked in the dance
of going nowhere
moving back as fast I gain
footholds towards tomorrow
hope is lain
bare before reality
but there rising from indemnity
I see light
where once the perfidy
of my occluded treachery
kept me locked in as the enemy
of myself
i fight
you push
in final gasp for light
i find
You were always there

SHE

There exists within my mind
The thought that I might find
A love so fleeting so escaping
That its discovery opens to me
A wealth of possibility
Behind whose doors are those things
That cause poets to write
And singers to sing
About their muse
That which can so easily confuse
Confounding expectation
And limiting one’s observation
To only that which exists within the pages of lore
And the staff of score-s
Of missed opportunity
And that which is tragedy
As you hold to the possibility
That maybe
This one
Might be
she

©2006 J. Damany Daniel

clarity

clouded vision breaks
and through broken night i see
what fear deprived me

nike ain't easy...

So, I worry that I may have inadvertantly and adversely affected the nature of friendships that I hold dear. I am not sure if this is an accurate reflection, but nevertheless one that I am currently feeling. I realize that we all act in a lot of ways out of our hurts, out of our fears and out of our insecurities. That was great to know when it was someone else, but a lot different when it is me on the acting end and not on the counseling and processing end of those hurts and pains. For the longest time I have advised friends and family alike as to the best ways to handle their situations, often adopting the "Nike-esque" philosophy of just do it. Often I was able to be with people at their greatest moments of personal change and was honored to be a part of those moments. But here, at this moment of consternation in my life, I find myself stuck, immobilized by a force more gripping than any other I have confronted-- fear.

How can this be, I wonder. I mean I have always talked about how it is better to just confront that which lies in front of you as opposed to allowing it to languish on ad infinitum. I have always felt, no known, that it really is better to grab life by the horns and attempt to steer it in whatsoever direction you choose, regardless of the impact it may or may not have on current situations. I mean, it is better to live life knowing what cards are in your hand then to constantly wonder about the efficacy of what may or may not be.


So, to anyone I have ever spoken to about confronting fear and simply overcoming it, I apologize. Fear is a cruel mistress that is not so easily overcome by simple decision. Now, I still contend that fear is overcome by simply oveercoming it, but the ease with which that overcoming happens is not at all how I have often presented it. Yeah, just get over stuff, confront the past, your situation, your personal beliefs that stand in the way of further development because it really is just that easy. Right.

sight

I saw you staring
and in breathless wonder I
knew i was undone