It's His Deal

Wow, it's been a while since I've written.  I'd love to say I have a good reason...but I don't.  Anywho, let's jump right in.

So, I have a new job.  Yes, it is quite exciting and I am beyond happy/grateful/excited/other positive adjectives that describe extreme joy and a sense of mirth.  This is one of the unique and rare once in a lifetime jobs that seems like it was created specifically for me.  I couldn't have asked for a better company, a better crowd of coworkers, or a better opportunity to do what I love- all of what I love.  In short, it's nothing short of a miracle, and I am extremely grateful to God for opening this door.  But then the doubt set in.

As amazing as this job is, I can't help but finding myself feeling like I'm almost out of my depth.  I mean, this seriously is perfect for me, but yet I still struggle with the idea that I can't do it.  It's silly, I know, but nevertheless that's where I find myself, battling between destiny and doubt and not loving the constant tension.  I know this is a God thing, but I still find myself doubting that I have what it takes to do it.  I know that this doubt is kind of like the parable Jesus talks about in Matthew 13 with the tares and the wheat.  The truth came to me, and this is just the enemy's attempt to choke the life out of the promise with doubts, worries, and concerns.  I know that, but still I feel occasionally incapable of delivering what is expected of me.  But then I remember, it's not my deal.

I've been reading through Exodus for a while now, and this morning I found myself in chapter 31.  To be honest, I skipped past a few chapters that were talking about the construction of the washbasin, and the ephods.  My eyes were starting to cross at all the attention to detail.  The former part of chapter 31 talks about how God has specifically chosen a man to construct the various items of the tabernacle and the accouterments surrounding the tabernacle and has also specifically chosen his assistant.  It actually says,

Then the Lord said to Moses,2 "Look, I have specifically chosen Bezalel son of Uri, grandson of Hur, of the tribe of Judah.3 I have filled him with the Spirit of God, giving him great wisdom, ability, and expertise in all kinds of crafts.4 He is a master craftsman, expert in working with gold, silver, and bronze.5 He is skilled in engraving and mounting gemstones and in carving wood. He is a master at every craft!  6 "And I have personally appointed Oholiab son of Ahisamach, of the tribe of Dan, to be his assistant. Moreover, I have given special skill to all the gifted craftsmen so they can make all the things I have commanded you to make:

I wonder how freaked out Bezalel was when Moses came to him. Did the conversation go something like this?

M: "hey dude, I have a job for you"

B: "Yeah, what's up?"

M: "You're pretty well known for having some talent when it comes to building stuff, so there's a building project I need you and Oholiab to work on."

B: "Yeah, no problem, whatcha got?"

M: "Well, we're building a temple for God so we can worship Him while we're out here in the wilderness. It pretty much needs to be perfect and God gave me some exact dimensions and schematics to get it done. It's kind of a big deal and will be remembered for generations. You down? Oh yeah, and God specifically requested you."

B: (swallowing hard and with a panicked look on his face) "He did?"

M: "Yeah"

B: (stammering) "Um, Mo, I don't know if I can do this. I mean YHWH seriously requested me? That's kind of a big deal. I mean, I've just built some stuff as a slave in Egypt, not sure if building a home for the most high God is really in my skillset."

M: "Yeah, but God requested you, so...thanks I'll send you the plans tomorrow."

As silly as that seems to me now as I write it, if I'm honest, how different is my response to God in this? I know this is something to which God has called me, and yet I push back as if it is possible for me to fail so long as I stay submitted. It's His deal and I just have to accept the fact that He has given me the special skill necessary to make all the things He has commanded." It's not my skill that does it, it's merely a gift of skill that got loaned to me for a little bit. I'm just a steward, the responsibility to see it flourish is on the guy that owns the land. Sometimes I forget that.

The Great Equalizer?

Lately I have been hearing a lot about friends who are overwhelmed with everything going on around them. To be quite frank, I am also in that same boat on a number of different fronts. Perhaps the most frustrating aspect of this seeming overwhelmed state is the fact that it seems like in these times of too much stuff going on, and too many responsibilities being expected of us, people are still pulling on you, and still asking you to speak into their lives, offer them counsel and be a good friend. I mean the nerve! Don't they see that I need some alone time?! I'm mostly joking, but the truth is that it's difficult. And of course, it never fails that in moments when selfishness like what I just described pops up, I stumble across some scripture that both encourages and challenges me in a major way about that very thing. So it was for me today.

This morning, I was reading through Matthew, and more specifically Matthew 14. In verse 13, Jesus has just learned about the death of his cousin John (or John the Baptist to those Bible story readers amongst us). Understandably upset and probably a little distraught by the news, Jesus pulls away to be by Himself. Now, it would be spiritual and "Jesus-like" to presume that He pulled away to pray, but I would venture to believe that part of that pulling away was His human side. The side that grieves and knew that John was killed because of what both of them stood for. Jesus was (probably) sad and needed some time to think, process and be human when confronted with the loss of someone He loved. But the crowds would have none of it.

Let's for a second ignore the question of how the crowd knew where to find Jesus and just acknowledge that they did. Here Jesus was, hurt, wounded, and knowing on a number of levels that it was only a matter of time before a similar fate came to Him, and what does the Bible say of Him when He saw the people? "He had compassion on them and healed their sick." So moved was Christ by the plight of those around Him, that even at the expense of His time to grieve, He reached out to them so that they could be whole. It's easy to think that this represents the great lesson in this passage, but I would venture to say that there is still a greater one waiting in the wings.

Verse 16 starts the recounting of the feeding of the 5000+ who had gathered to hear Jesus speak or have their lives changed by an encounter with Him. So, somehow out of the midst of His pain, Jesus was able to not only have compassion on people to heal, but also to perform what is chronicled as one of the greatest miracles in Biblical history? Is it possible that our weaknesses, our sorrows, our pains and our difficulties are fertile ground for God to do mightier miracles than if we were 100% complete? Is it possible that one of the reasons that we endure hardships and persevere, all while being called upon to minister to those around us is because God is showing us that in those moments we know that we have need of something outside of ourselves? One of Jesus' most talked about miracles happened when He was in despair and still had compassion. What is God wanting to do in our lives and the lives of others through us if we would trust Him to use our sorrow as a place where miracles grow and God's power is seen? Is it possible that sorrow and difficulty are the great equalizers because God reminds us that there is little we have to operate from apart from Him?

I'm not sure what this looks like in daily application, but I encourage your thoughts and ask, where has God ministered to others in your life when you found yourself weakened?

Live Passionately. Pursue. Original.

Money Matters...

One of my biggest struggles throughout the course of my life has been in the area of finances. Namely in my ability to control my own. I could come up with all sorts of excuses or reasons that have led me to my current financial state, but the reality is that I have just never really tried to get a handle on my finances. I have always lived (at least partially) in the mentality that, if I worked hard enough, I would become rich and then money wouldn't be an issue. Is that a silly way of looking at things? Absolutely, but it's nevertheless true.

Several people, including one ex-girlfriend, have prompted me over the years to get help in this area, but I was stubborn and committed to figuring it out myself. The irony is that I knew all along that I wasn't going to get it on my own, considering that no other area of struggle in my life has ever been conquered by myself, but nevertheless I plodded along...and ended up in further trouble than I had previously found myself. Now, don't get me wrong, there have been some strides, but by and large I find myself today in the same place I was years ago, with no discipline or direction in the area of financial accountability. This morning I finally decided to do something about it. I called someone I have never met to ask them to help with one of the more personal (and embarrassment inducing) areas of my life.

Crown Financial is a Christian organization designed to help people get a handle on their finances and set up a financial accountability structure within which they can operate and thrive. I was told about it once by an ex of mine, but I never called, never researched, never did anything with the information really. I just continued to wallow in the same level of financial inadequacy that I had for quite some time...until today. I finally called the financial counselor that the organization had recommended to me, and let me tell you- it was about as difficult as anything I've ever done. It was as difficult as starting step studies and getting into recovery at church, as hard as admitting to a group of guys that I struggle with things, as gut-wrenching as being willing to be open and honest and engage community. This was difficult. But I believe it will be good. I have no idea yet what this process will look like, only that it too is a part of the development that I am undergoing in an ever increasing desire to be complete. It is a part of the process of living with unveiled face and reflecting the glory of God to the world, and of being the fragrance of God in the Earth. This next step for me is as important as any I've previously undertaken and I am looking forward to it, even if the process frightens me just a bit.

Breathe deeply

What happened to the idea that life was not supposed to be lived alone? I'm not talking about being in some sort of relationship or anything as cliche as that. No, I'm merely talking about having people alongside you that "do life" with you. We have become so focused on "personal growth," and "personal development" that we forget that the healthiest part of life is lived alongside our friends, our family, and those others who remind us that there is more to the life that we live than the existence of our individual goals.

There's a huge push right now within certain Christian communities towards this whole thing called "community," but I would venture to say that few of us really understand what that is or what it looks like. To be honest, I don't know that there is any one thing that it should or does look like. Community is the thing that enables you to let your guard down. It's the safe place that means that no matter who you are, and no matter what you've done or where you've gone, you are accepted for who you are and loved for who you are becoming. Community is the place where you realize fully who you are, because society has stripped away your essence in its attempt to make you into the carbon copy of everything they think is acceptable. Community is the place of safety that compels change. Community is where true "personal development" and personal growth can happen. Community is where we were all intended to be.

If it's true that we were all intended to find a place of community, why is it so often that we run from it? Why do we eschew the very thing which will lead us closer to being who we actually are? Why do we continually seek to foster an environment of individuality, and why is our faith as guilty of it as anything else?

Why do we think that "personal" and "intimate" quiet times with God are the ways in which we will find true development? Why do we think that spending 30 minutes to an hour reading the bible alone and quietly reflecting on what we've read is the way to true spiritual fulfillment and growth? Why do we think we can do this alone? Jesus, in every trying time of his life surrounded himself with those that could build him up and support him. After his 40 day/40 night fast and temptation- the angels; at the Garden of Getshamene- the disciples (albeit sleeping); on the cross- mom, friends, and other family. If Jesus saw fit to surround himself with community, what makes us think we can handle this thing on our own.

So, what am I saying? Live life together. Enjoy each other's company. Argue and debate. love and be frustrated. Breathe in all the flavors, bitter and sweet that life has to offer and remember that the life we live is more than just not for ourselves, it's meant to not be by ourselves either.

Live. Laugh. Love.